Are you trapped inside yourself, yearning to break out of your comfort zone to make some actual human contact? But then a voice says: 'Step out of your comfort zone! Are you insane?' That's why they call it a comfort zone, because you are comfortable there. However, it won't be fun to be the only person to have sex with yourself. College is a great time to emerge fro your shell. People are more open and understanding here, for the most part. The college bar is a great place to meet new people, people who don't know that you're a social awkward caterpillar yet to make the transition into butterfly. So depending on how brave you're feeling when you spot someone you would like to pursue follow these do's and don'ts. Follow some perfectly okay scenarios to get to know that person. Just be brave, it will be worth it in the end.
If you're at the same party...
Do: Have a couple beers and go over to him/her and ask her how's it going? Offer her another drink (especially if its your house party). Ask about classes, who she knows at the party. Every time you think its getting awkward have a drink and think of every film and TV show you've seen. There's bound to something there you can draw from. Bring up a totally random topic! Anything is better than nothing.
Don't: Get absolutely shit-faced because you will say something you regret and you will never be able to face them again. Alcoholism and social awkwardness do not mix well. You will definitely puke up your feelings before the night is over.
If you are in the same class...
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Do: talk to them before/during/after class about the course work. Deadline dates, what assignments they're doing etc. Having the same class is an excellent ice-breaker. Why not ask if they'd like to meet up with you sometime to help study or work on an assignment together. Totally non-committal. They'll probably have to give you their number or add you on Facebook.
Don't: stare at them constantly across the room. Stand near them outside the class breathing the same air around them but never ever saying a word. Or smiling. You won't be seen as cute or awkward, you'll be the creepy person in the class. No one wants to date a creepy person.
If you're at the same bar...
Do: If you're feeling brave, making having already consumed some liquid courage, go over and say hi and ask how they're getting on. Then offer to buy them a drink. If they say yes, woo! That's great and maybe you can talk for a bit more. You may have to meet their friedns and I know that people hating polar bear that lives inside you will be screaming for you to run away but take a few minutes to just say hi and drink. Just not too much.
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Don't: Notice them at the bar and not even say hi. Decide to run away to the bathroom instead and make an awkward wave when you have to go right past them and they make eye contact with you. They're going to think that you don't like them.
If you're at the same event like a play/musical/gig...
Do: go and talk to them at the interval or during a quiet time in the set. Say that is nice to run into them and that you had no idea they were into that thing. Ask who they're with to gauge their level of singleness.
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Don't: pretend you don't see them and avoid them all night long. But then say to all your friends that you went to a gig together. Because you didn't.
If it's your barista/server...
Do: start bringing up other topics while you're paying or they're making you your coffee. Like, 'so how was your weekend?' 'Have you gotten up to anything recently?' Maybe mention some current news events or the weather. A conversation about nothing is better than no conversation at all. Just don't ask any creepy pick up line like: have any good sex lately? Would you like to. Just don't. You'll have to get a new café and with your poor social skills that's going to be difficult.
Don't: think that the server is taking anything more from this relationship then they would if you were an eighty-year old with a bad leg. Their job is to be nice to people. Just because they are being nice to you it doesn't mean they like you or that you are both in a relationship. The only way you can move to the next level, i.e. the first level, if by talking.
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If its someone from a club or society...
Do: talk talk talk. You already clearly have something in common. Be it sports, dungeons and dragons, film, photography or writing. Ask what their favourites are at the next society meeting and listen to what they have to say. They might like the exact same things as you. Even if it doesn't progress into a romantic relationship, this could be the start to a beautiful friendship.
Don't: join all the societies to get free pens and then not go. If you do decide to go and find that special someone there, don't run away, or say you hate people. Take a deep breath and drag a friend along with you to help break the ice. Maybe this person you're interested in sucks. You won't know until you get to know them. Don't join a club because they are involved with it. That is kind of creepy and they'll figure out that you don't know anything about it.
If they come over and talk to you....
Do: be open to it. If you like them, let them talk to you. Answer their questions with actual responses and ask them similar questions in return. Have a conversation.
Don't: Freak out. Don't make one word responses. Don't answer their question with only the first 'I don't know', that's frustrating and unless they are absolutely head over heels in love with you, that's going to get really annoying fast and they will move on to greener pastures and you can go home alone. Sometimes the scariest experience can be the best thing ever.
