We all know too well how annoying couples in newly-formed relationships can be. Still in the ‘honeymoon phase’, things are all rainbows and Oreo cookies and utter bullshit. Yet, once that oh-so-happy couple reach peaking point, they’ll start to annoy one another in ways they could never have imagined Here are 15 habits couples develop in long-term relationships. You have been warned....
1) Going that extra day without a wash.
Even if it’s the morning after a night out. You too have been together so long that it’s okay to show up bleary-eyed and greasy-haired. In fact, it’s kind of become customary. Others may ask if it's raining outside or if you’ve recently dyed your hair a darker colour, but your partner will welcome you with open arms. And equally oily hair, hopefully.
2) Not shaving down there properly… Or not shaving at all.
After a few years, it’s no surprise you both start slacking on certain aspects of your personal hygiene. Whereas once upon a time you'd refuse to let them anywhere near your private parts unless they were a smooth as a baby’s bottom, it’s now acceptable to go au-natural, all of the time. After all, everyone loves that 70's look, right?
3) Taking the last slice of pizza without remorse.
Remember back at the start of the relationship when you would offer up the last slice of pizza without even thinking about it? Oh, how things have changed. The two of you both know it’s now a case of winner takes all. That doesn’t just apply in the kitchen either, by the way....
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4) Letting a bit of belly hang out.
I’m sure there was a time when both of your bodies were precious temples that were sought after and lusted for, but that is no longer the case. Getting shy and embarrassed about your belly (or any other part of your body, for that matter) are feelings of the past. In fact, letting a bit of flab hang out could be seen as a positive; at least you know they enjoyed your dinner.
5) Walking around sockless far too often.
Of course your partner’s feet were a fascination at the start of the relationship, as were many other parts of their body. How big are they? Are they hairy? Do they cut their toenails? So many unanswered questions led to this fascination. You know you’re in a comfortable long-term relationship when the socks come off at night. Taking them off at any other point of the day, however, is unacceptable and should not be tolerated. Put them AWAY.
6) Forgetting to spray smellies before the date.
One of the first things that attracted you to your partner was their scent, wasn’t it? You can’t go wrong with a spray of perfume or a dash of decent aftershave. Even though your ravishing smell may not be acknowledged verbally, it is being acknowledged sensually. And, more than anything, it is acknowledged if it is not worn. *Stink*
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7) Not even going on dates anymore because that’s expensive and involves extra effort.
Coffee dates in Costa and evening meals in Milanos used to be part and parcel of your loving relationship. Unfortunately, after one summer of fine dining, you and your partner’s funds have been diminished. In other words, the two of you are shit broke and can barely afford a cinema ticket anymore (they are rather expensive, might I add). You’ve had to resort to the next best option: Netflix and takeaway. Who needs a lavish 4-Star Pizza when a fiver can get you No-Star Pizza for half the price?
8) Using their toothbrush without permission.
This truly is a sin of the highest order; a sin that most definitely would not occur before you have reached the three-year mark. If you’re at six months and it has already happened, get out. Pack your bags and leave. Not your toothbrush, though, that can go in the bin.
9) Replacing love letters with birthday cards.
There are only so many times one can say ‘I love you’, right? Even if you write three A4 pages worth of soppy, tear-jerking crap you’re really only building up to one thing: you bloody love them. So when the inspiration stops striking (and believe me, it does), you resort to birthday cards with pitiful poetry sprawled across both the outside and the inside. Who even writes love letters anymore..
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10) Munching down the phone.
You know you guys have been at it too long when exchanging eating sounds replaces late-night, meaningful conversations. What is it tonight, Pringles or Doritos?
11) Wearing pyjamas to bed at night.
Gone are the days when sleeping naked together was sexy and the duvet was optional. Once again it’s a case of every man for himself in that bed. If you don’t have enough warm clothes on, that’s too bad. “Move over more”, “you have all of the duvet” and “go away, your feet are too cold” are sure signs you’re in a steady relationship.
12) Singing badly with no intention of impressing them.
You find yourself thinking “Y u do dis?” every time a note (disputable use of the word) comes out of their mouth. You know they can’t sing, they know they can’t for the life of them sing, so why do they still persist? Only God knows and understands.
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13) Hiding your chocolate before they come over.
Don’t even try to act like you haven’t done this before. We both know your partner has called telling you they’re outside the door, and your immediate reaction is to hide any and all goodies you have lying about the place. Mine, all mine.
14) Falling asleep during the movie.
There were days in the past where the two of you couldn’t even get through the first fifteen minutes of the film without feeling each other up. Now you’re at the stage where making it to the end of the movie deserves a treat… Snickers and a hot chocolate it is.
15) Getting sick in their bed after a night out.
The worst part of this one is that they weren’t even out themselves. In your bladdered state you (impressively) managed to stumble through the streets without projectile vomiting on anyone, and found your way to their front door. You also succeed in stomaching the pasta and cheese they so kindly make you in a desperate bid to rid the Sambuca from your system. They manage to strip you of your clothes and put you in some comfortable pyjamas, before placing you ever so delicately in their bed. On the inside of course, to ensure you don’t fall out mid-sleep. As you curl up against the inner wall it is then, and only then, that you puke up all of today's meals and what appears to be yesterday’s lasagne too, for good measure. If you’re still together the next day, you’ve got yourself a soulmate, I reckon.
