Never Fall Asleep First: College Pranks

Everyone knows the golden rule of house parties: Never fall asleep first. However, we all have one friend who blatantly disregards this rule. He can be found passed out in a variety of places and positions, fucking up the feng shui. Nobody cares whether you have your shoes on or not - you pass out, you're fair game.

This person has been invited to a party and responded to this kind gesture by falling asleep. That's fucking rude. Your mother raised you not to be rude. As a friend and a fellow college student, it is your duty to fuck with him. Here are a few ways to mess with the first to fall...

The Sharpie

A classic. Your buddy has fallen asleep and, lo and behold, a sharpie has emerged. The slumbering idiot is your canvas, his 9am lecture your inspiration. You could go for the classic 'cock into mouth' drawing, but if there are Art students present you can afford to be clever. How about a nice suit, complete with bow tie and stylish beard?

The Edward-Dildohands

Popularised by Johnny Depp in Edward Scissorhands, this prank picks up where Burton's tale of solitude and acceptance left off, by taping dildos to a friend's hands. It's a natural progression. You need to ensure the dildos are inside the closed fists of the unwitting subject. Then use whatever tape you have to wrap those fists around the dildos. You've taught him a valuable lesson - he never knew how difficult simple things like opening a door could be with two 9" dildos for hands.

Duct-Tape

When Gene Wilder was singing about a world of pure imagination, this was what he meant. Duct-tape opens up a plethora of pranking options. Most of them involve taping something to something else, but you know what I mean. Should you possess both the manpower and the ingenuity for such a task, try taping somebody to the ceiling. Maybe leave something soft for them to crash land onto though!

Eye-Brow Shave

Another classic. Quick and easy to achieve. Slow and arduous to fix. Sometimes the eyebrows don't grow back properly and that's funny.

Shaving Foam

If you go down this route, you're committing to a mess. You can a) Put the shaving foam in the poor guy's hands and tickle his face or b) Create a new hairstyle following the latest trends and styles, as shown below (cigarettes optional). Also, be aware that mayonnaise is an acceptable alternative, should you opt for these shenanigans.

Hand in Warm Water

Many believe this to be a myth. If you put somebody's hand in warm water while they sleep, there's a good chance they'll wet themselves. That being said, this is a particularly horrible prank. Wherever they passed out will be soaked with piss, they will be soaked with piss and everything will stink of piss. But if it isn't your party who gives a piss?

The Silhouette

If the party pooper has passed out on the ground then The Silhouette is a go! Presumably there will be plenty of cans/bottles lying around. Line them around the person in the exact shape they passed out in. It doesn't serve much of a purpose, but it is aesthetically pleasing. We're simple creatures really.

The Pose 'n' Pic

Here's a great one for the family album. Passed out people are exceptionally malleable and can be contorted into amazing positions. Get creative, these are moments made to last a lifetime!

Stacking

A fun activity for the whole party. It's like Jenga with a drunk-as-fuck base! The delicate game of trying to balance increasingly ridiculous items whilst trying not to wake them is tense but ultimately rewarding. When they wake up and greet the confusing world of gravity in all its glory, you'll know it was worth it.

The Relocation

If they really are out of it you can move them to a new place. You can move them from a couch to a bath, or a garden chair outside. That's fine, but moving them outside can be risky. While undeniably funny, relocating your passed-out friend to a public area could get them arrested. But in fairness, you're broadening their horizons... so you're doing a good thing.

Cling-Film/ Saran Wrap

The alcohol is practically pickling your friend, but don't assume this alone will preserve him. Cling-film him up for added freshness!
ProTip: Try relocating him once he's wrapped and ready. Oh and leave air holes for God's sake! Nothing says "great prank" like 6 years for manslaughter.