You've seen the movies and played the part. You're ready to go out and get that perfect college boyfriend. The guy who'll be there for you during exam time and look after you when you're hungover. Love, sex, and relationships are risky (and risqué) affairs. Here's some things you should know before you dive into the deep end of a pool filled with horny college men.
1. Do not confuse love and lust.
2. If you only hear from him when he's out and drinking, he's only in it for sex.
3. If he's taken and is flirting with you, shut that shit down. That's not romantic. He's cheating scum, no matter what he says. Stay away.
4. Never be someone's dirty little secret. You're a prize and they should act like it.
5. A good relationship is an equal relationship. You should both decide on things together.
6. Always use a condom.
7. If you're only in it for the sex, make sure that's all he wants too.
8. Sober sex will tell you if there's really something there.
9. If at first you don't succeed ... move on. You broke up for a reason.
10. If he's disrespectful to the waitress or his mum, how do you think he'll act towards you when the novelty wears off?
11. Just because he's not shouting it from the rooftops, it does not mean he doesn't care about you. Most guys don't talk about their feelings.
12. If you don't know how to please yourself, how can he? Get to know your nether-regions.
13. Move at what speed you're comfortable with. If he wants to do stuff that you're not into, he shouldn't force you.
14. Chick flicks are like porn. They are fantasies. Do not assume life will be exactly like them.
15. Never underestimate the importance of comfortable underwear.
16. The best relationships are those that bring out the best in both parties.
17. If you love teasing each other, and being teased by the other, you're probably meant to be.
18. Bodies are gross: they're hairy and smelly, and weird substances come out of every orifice. Don't be shocked.
19. If you feel like you maybe, kind of love the person you're with, then 'maybe' let them know. They are 'maybe', kind of in love with you too.
20. Even the most open relationships need boundaries.
21. If you agree to be together, keep going out on dates. Don't get stuck in a rut.
22. He shouldn't have to pay all the time. He's a broke student too. Go halves, or take turns.
23. Don't expect him to be able to read your mind, let him know what you want.
24. Sometimes romantic ideas are better off in your head. A picnic on the beach will just end up with sand in your pants. Not very sexy.
25. The 'Honeymoon Phase' is a real thing. That haze won't last forever, so enjoy it while it lasts.
26. If he flirts with other people in front of you, that is NOT a good sign!
27. Do not neglect your friends. Their love is just as important as your boyfriend's. Just in a different way.
28. Stop thinking of dating as 'the chase' - it's not a competition. You both want something out of this, right? So you're both winning.
29. If you like someone, and have received some encouragement, maybe make the first move?
30. Rejection sucks. But that's what friends are for. At least you know where you stand now.
31. Don't flirt with someone else's boyfriend. You'll look pathetic. And it's not nice.
32. Is your partner really gross and sweaty after gym/training/lying around all day doing nothing, but you still want a good time? Shower sex: a clean, fun, adult activity. Plus you're saving water.
32. Try hard to not sleep with that guy in your tutorial class of five people. The awkwardness is not worth it ... probably.
33. Do not tell your significant other that you HATE their friends. You all clearly like one particular person so you must have something in common. Don't make them choose between their friends and you.
34. Any guy who asks you to choose between him and your friends is really not worth it.
35. Don't text someone else while on a date. It's rude. The same goes for checking Facebook or emails.
36. If he never wants you to finish first, you will always finish last.
37. If you don't want to be in a relationship and want to be single and have a good time, that is perfectly fine. Have fun, just refer back to no.6.
38. If you want to shave your downstairs, go ahead. Just be wary of razor rash, it's sensitive down there.
39. Saying you don't like people just tells everyone that you're really insecure and afraid to be intimate with anyone.
40. If someone breaks up with you for a more ... 'promiscuous' person, then regrets it and wants you back. Do not take that shithead back!
41. Don't get involved with your boss/manager/professor, just don't. The drama is exhausting. They have been around longer than you. They need things from a relationship that you cannot provide. And you need things that they can't give you.
42. Don't change who you are for who you're with. If you're a gym rat, stay a gym rat. If you like to spend hours studying in the library stay there. They got with you because they liked you, so why change? If they try to change you maybe they only like the idea of you.
43. Relationships in your 20s should not be hard work.
44. A walk of shame is something every college student will have to deal with. Plan accordingly. At least make sure your phone has power and you've a scarf to cover any and all hickies.
45. Sometimes guys will be less affectionate around their friends, and that's OK. He probably doesn't want to be slagged by his mates.
46. But if he acts like he doesn't know you, or insults you in front of his friends, then drop that dick.
47. If you only like guys that are unavailable, e.g. with someone else or interested in guys, you are just looking for drama. You can't change the sexual orientation of that cute guy in class. He has discovered he's gay, he's not going to revert back to Vs once he is happy with Ds.
48. If you start having curious feelings towards those of the same sex, explore it. You might discover something amazing.
49. You do not have to plaster your relationship all over social media. What are you trying to prove?
50. No list will ever cover everything you need to know. You've just got to go out there and discover it for yourself.
