Opinion: Ireland's Weather Right Now Proves The Sun Is Actually Fake And A Conspiracy

Riddle me this, dear friends. If the sun provides the earth with heat, then why is it so bloody warm at night in Ireland these days? I'll tell you why. Because the sun is a conspiracy propagated by the Americans and in particular Hollywood.

As I lay awake last night, for the second night in a row, my sweaty brain  contemplated on why the hell it was so hot when the sun wasn't even there. Then in one, admittably sleep-deprived, moment it suddenly dawned on me that the answer had been staring us in the face the whole time. The sun is not real. Yes, you  heard me; the moon landing isn't fake but the sun is.

Think about it. Who benefits from the sun? Movies and television, that's who! The Lion King, the Teletubbies, the who shot Mr Burns episodes of The Simpsons - there are countless examples of the entertainment industry getting rich off this myth of the sun. But when you think about it the sun is suppossed to do two things, (1) provide light and (2) provide heat, and it does neither of these.

If it's the sun that's lighting up the earth then why is it so dark in space? Answer me that! And if the sun provides all the heat then WHY THE HELL AM I AWAKE ALL NIGHT IN THIS GODFORESAKEN WARM WEATHER!?

It seems clear to me that the earth is actually heated by magma under its crust and that sun is fake news.  You heard it here first.