12 Signs Your Irish Secondary School Was Deprived

Anyone out there who had the immense privilege to attend a private school may read this article and feel bad. Don't. Us deprived schools had our fun. Yes, we may have done so in a more poverty ridden fashion, but we got through. For any of you who also had this experience, I understand your pain. Anyone who didn't will gain some charitable feelings from reading the below;

12) Fighting Talk

There was surely no greater sign that you went to a deprived school, than a good old fashioned fight (every day.) Lunch times were generally punctuated by the gleeful shouts of "FIGHT DOWN THE HALL". The days when lunch passed by without a fight were a worrying rarity. Lockers were the weapon of choice in my school. When someone was being "started on", out came the lockers (they're about six foot in height by the way.) Ahh those were the days, days when news of a scheduled fight in room eleven would fly around the school faster than a locker at lunch. Memories.

11) Crappy Canteen

What a person eats says a lot about them. Therefore, the diet of a deprived school student said that we were destined for a life of squashed ham sandwiches and sausage rolls. You can still probably remember the sheer shock you felt upon hearing that some schools had hot lunches. PROPER HOT FOOD. What an unjust world we live in. The posh fuckers getting Spagetti Bolagnase and there's us fuelled up on Moro bars and hot dogs. That was once we got a canteen, some of you might not even have had this privilege. We had to wait until third year and then our hopes were quickly dashed once we saw that our choice was a either a chicken and lettuce roll made two days ago or a crusty sausage roll. All served up by our History Teacher. Yum.

10) Unreal Uniforms

There was a comfort in having to wear a uniform. Throwing the same thing on day after day with no thought given was almost nice. The uniforms were not. Those jumpers made from some shitty wool replacement that made you sweat like a cow in a steak shop and the skirts that made everyone look blobby, irregardless of their size. Then there was the utter amazement of seeing schools wearing BLAZERS. Imagine that. Hoodies were our blazers. The cheaper the better, it made it more official.

9) Relations

It's easy to spot the person with siblings in a deprived school. How? Oh they're just wearing their sisters hand me downs is all. The poor first year who comes in,  skirt around her shins and the jumper sleeve full of holes never had the best start. There's always going to be a few massive families, I'm not talking posh massive where you have four siblings and think you're the Brady Bunch, oh no sireee. I'm talking nine plus. There's always one (or five) of these families in every deprived school, let the cycle of shit clothes commence.

8) Smokers

Ohhh those smokers were some divils. They were the ones we looked to and thought "oh no she didn't".  Every deprived school had some of these badasses. Our school had a smoking tree. Yes, a tree. People used to sit underneath said tree and puff their brains out. The best part was that the smoking tree was right in the eyeline of the Principals office. "Oh God there's no possible way that you'll get caught now, the wafts of smoke coming from underneath the tree aren't a give away whatsoever". I think they were trying to send some sort of message. We smoke and we don't care? Fuck you? Whatever it was, we had to listen to the principal screaming down the intercom every afternoon about it. It was enough to make you want a smoke.

7) Mitching

Mitching from school was the ultimate test. How tough are you? How willing are you to put your life on the life? Very willing, judging by the amount of 'no mitching warnings' we got. Personally, I didn't see the problem. We got more work done when the people who didn't want to be there, weren't. In fact teachers should have stood up and told anyone not interested in being there to piss off. A girl in my class once took matters into her own hands and hopped out the window during class. That's the way to do it.

6) Teachers

Teachers in deprived schools can be divided into two categories. New teachers who are here because it's the only place they could get a job and old crazy teachers who're there because they've long given up hope on humanity and finding a better job. The new ones were the obvious targets. They were tested from the minute they accepted the job. We once lost a teacher. I say lost, the class were such fuckers she cried and left. The other type of teacher was a little tougher, they hated everybody from the get go, unless that is, that you had a brain sparkling with knowledge, you were fucked. Left to die by the side of the road. Tough luck. Our maths teacher was a prime example, he once spent twenty minutes walking around and smelling the room, he successfully picked out all of the smokers. Which was everybody bar three. Oh and our English teacher once threw a desk at someone. Good playful times.

5) Free Classes Galore

Oh the beautiful, unexpected joy of a free class. There was truly nothing better than that announcement on a miserable Monday afternoon, that "Oh your least favorite teacher for whom you have none of your homework done is out today. Please go and procrastinate for the next forty minutes." The only downside is this, in a deprived school you're going to hear that a lot. An awful lot. Why, you may ask. Here's why, your school is so shit that the teachers would rather pretend to be sick than come in and teach you. That's why.

4) Shit School Trips

Oh there's nothing a deprived school pupil hates more than hearing about a private schools "absolutely amazeballs" trip to some snowy ski resort, whilst we're brought to Achill Island in February to be hit in the face by a surfboard in the pissing rain. We hate you all, we hope you get snowed in and we hope that you had a shitter time then we did. If that's possible.

3) Bad Equipment

Remember going on an open night to a better school? Remember that feeling of awe at the interactive whiteboards, the flat screened televisions, the tiered seats, the shiny science labs? Now remember the disappointment when your parents decided that none of that mattered and you were sent to the school with no heating, leaky ceilings, mice everywhere and computers from the 90's. Who needs an actual building when you can cram all of your learning needs into an old prefab. Thanks Maw and Paw, appreciate it.

2) Book Rental Scheme

There is no fear greater than the fear of handing back your rented books after you've spent the past year covering it in dick drawings and 'inspirational quotes.' Your parents are waiting to get their deposit back. It is not coming back. You threw it away. "I'm reaaalllyyyy sorry."

1) Mean Girls

Regina George wouldn't have lasted a day in a deprived school. Not a single day. To say that first year was a steep learning curve, would be a vast understatement. You learn fast when your life is endangered. Do not make eye contact with the mad bitches down the back of the class, do not ever leave anything with a value of over three euro in your locker and for the love of god, part faster than the red sea when the group renowned for 'batin the shite out of little fools' walk through the halls. The Hunger Games have nothing on a deprived Irish school. NOTHING.