Hair Of The Dog - Enjoying Yourself With A Real Party Animal

There's a rumour going around that the most fun you can have at a house party is getting absolutely wasted, dancing like a lunatic with your mates and then hooking up with some hot piece of ass. Others might tell you there's a certain appeal in singing karaoke. Or just playing drinking games and sliding a mattress down the stairs. In actual fact, the most fun you can have involves a quiet corner, a glass of wine and a dog on your lap. Here's why:

1) Dogs Don't Get Annoyed When You Rub Their Belly

Have you ever been in the middle of a conversation with someone and, because you just think they're cute, you give their belly a little rub? They always freak out, right?! I mean, what is their deal? You'll never have that problem with a dog. You can scratch their belly as much as you like and they'll just grin at you. Now that is how you're supposed to behave.

2) Dogs Listen To All Your Problems

You know when you've had a little too much to drink and you get a bit emotional? You just need to vent to someone, but every time you try and talk to someone, they yawn and scan the room, wondering where their next drink is coming from. They're clearly not even listening to you. But the mutt in the corner will. He'll listen to your troubles with wide, earnest eyes... even if he doesn't understand you.

3) A Dog Never Tells You "Slow Down, You've Had Enough"

You can drink as much as you like around a cocker spaniel and all he'll ever say is "woof." You can down seven shots of whiskey with a golden retriever and all she'll ever say is "woof." Such is the way of the dog. No judging.

4) There's No Drama With A Dog

Dogs will never start whining because nobody noticed their brand new Chanel collar. They just rock it because they know they look good. They don't need closure. They don't whine when some bitch doesn't say "hello" the second they arrive at a party. As far as they're concerned, the only reasons to whine are hunger and cold, and even then it's adorable.

5) Dog's Don't Mind Lulls In The Conversation

You know when you've run out of small talk and there's nothing else of interest to say? That's usually a person's signal to find someone else to talk to, leaving you to stare at your phone. Not so with a fluffy little pug. They'll stay with you throughout any length of silence, provided you keep scratching his belly.

6) A Dog Doesn't Mind If You Wander Off To Talk To Another Dog

By the same token, if you see another, cuter dog on the other side of the room, the first dog won't take offence if you walk over to play with it. They might be a little bummed out at first, but they'll find someone to replace you fairly quickly. And they'll still be happy to see you when you come crawling back. Dogs can be bitches, but they ain't mean.

7) If You Spill Their Drink, A Dog Won't Punch You In The Face

And how difficult would it be to spill a dog's drink anyway? You'd literally have to lose control of your legs and send that water dish flying. And even if it does happen, he'll just look at you with his big 'love me' eyes until you fill it up again. Heartache.

8) Dogs Don't Tell Embarrassing Stories About You When They Get Drunk

There's nothing worse than hearing someone on the other side of the room talking loudly about the last time you passed out with your head in a washing machine. What's a collie going to do if it gets drunk? Tell everyone how you always pet him on the head and cuddle his fur? Unlikely... because of their inability to speak.

9) A Dog Won't Hook Up With Someone You Fancy Behind Your Back

You'll never walk in on man's best friend making out with man's biggest crush. Guaranteed. Unless you go to very disturbing parties... for very disturbing people.

10) You'll Never Have To Hold A Dog's Hair Back

A good mate always holds their friends' hair back when they've had too much to drink. It's the good and proper thing to do, even if you have to endure the smell and sound of chunks falling into toilet water. Not a problem with dogs. Even if they do drink too much, they usually just get sick on the front lawn. No drama, no tears, and no locking themselves in the bathroom until 1pm the next day.

11) A Dog Won't Hog The Playlist All Night

There's nothing worse than someone playing a hundred songs in a row by some obscure band you've never heard of. But even though the labrador in the corner wants to put 'Who Let The Dogs Out?' on repeat, he won't. Because he isn't a douche-bag. Nor does he have opposable thumbs.

12) Dogs Don't Judge You For The Embarrassing Things You Do

You could be hanging from the banisters with a feather boa wrapped around your legs, singing Rihanna at the top of your lungs.... the puppies in the basket will not judge you for this. They'll be confused and they might think you're somewhat sexually attracted to the banisters from the way your legs are wrapped around them, but they won't judge!

13) Dogs Won't Mind (Or Notice) If You Forget Their Name

If you're talking to someone you just met and you forget their name, it's something of a social faux pas to start calling them 'fluffy' because of their wispy hair. Thankfully, this is an unnecessary concern when it comes to dogs. Human people get pissed off about it though. They're awkward that way.

14) Dogs Won't Keep Looking At Their Smartphone When Talking To You

One of the best things about dogs is that they don't ignore you. They don't scan their Facebook page while you're telling them what you do for a living. They don't check how many Snapchats they have while you're telling them about your favourite colour. They actually talk to you, like a real person.... at least, it feels that way. Also, they're cute.

15) A Dog Will Miss The Entire Party For You, If You Give Them Bacon

Sometimes, when the party isn't doing it for you, you just want to get away. Not so far away that you can't come back if you change your mind. But you need some peace and quiet. Few friends will come with you when you feel this way, but ever-faithful mutts will do anything if you tantalize them with treats. Dogs, eh? They're the real party animals.

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