Nap Time & Netflix: Why College Life Trumps Real Life Any Day
The thought of finishing college can be a scary one for a lot of students, and when it actually happens, we really do miss our time on campus, A big reason for this is the different atmosphere once one steps into the world of work, going through the motions won't cut it, and we must change the habits we've formed over the previous years. So, because I'm so damn good to you, I've put together a little guide on how best to enjoy college life (before you leave it all behind). Here are some things you won't get away with in real life.
Naps are no longer a go go now.
Napping for students is not like napping for other people. The nap for a student serves many purposes, it is a useful way to alleviate boredom, it helps procrastinate study, and it is just downright pleasurable after a long day in class, (if you actually went). Unfortunately, the precious nap will have to be sacrificed as we get into the world of work. You can't power off at 3pm in the office just because you're feeling a little drowsy, and then when work is over and you're totally shattered, you still can't nap, because you still have important (read: boring) shit to get do: i.e. cook dinner, go to the gym and play soccer with that dickhead from your office, all to keep the peace. *Sigh*
Starting your day in the afternoon is apparently 'unacceptable'.
This is similar to the last point about students being lazy. It's typical for us to sleep in till 11 or so, arse around the house, and manage to spend time actively doing nothing. Usually, once it hits PM we start to become productive, albeit at a very low level of productivity. If you want to cut it in the big bad world, you need to get up early and get to work like every other functioning human. Because you have to be in work on time, or else risk your boss making sly remarks at the coffee machine, remarks that force you to laugh along at your own miserable failure of a life. Oh stupid me, LOL.
Staying up ridiculously late will result in your hating yourself.
One of the main reasons we tend to be as lazy as we are is mainly because our sleeping pattern is completely jacked to shit. With the unnecessary naps and our inability to get up early, our body keeps us awake during the wrong end of the AM. In fairness, it's a part of student life to stay up late while eating your bodyweight in munch and watching Netflix, but if you want to be able to function the next day, (without needing a nap) you're going to need to be a total loser and go to bed early. You'll thank me in the morning, promise. Snooze fest all round.
Getting through your day hungover as they come isn't ok anymore.
Ok so you might be able to get away with this the odd time, but many of us students are seemingly in a constant state of post-alcoholic gloom. The partying will have to be curtailed unfortunately, as the dry arses in the office will rat on you for having been out drinking, and it's best to not be in the horrors while giving the quarterly review to the board. Sure, at first it'll be hard, the hardest thing you've ever done actually. "Coming out tonight?" "Can't, have to be boring now." As time passes by though, you'll probably get used to not going out, and you'll then have no friends, and drinking coffee at 10am with Diane (mother of three) will be the highlight of your little week. Jesus...
Showing up late to, well, everything makes you a shit person.
University is a pretty chilled environment, students are allowed independence in study and lecturers aren't on our cases that much, which is probably why we leave everything to the very last millisecond. Punctuality takes a big hit in college, showing up to lectures five or ten minutes late is common and that's when you show up (yeah, I know your smutty little secrets). Being on time is super important in the world of work which doesn't bode well with your snooze button romance. Hey, nobody said being an adult was fun, did they?
Dressing like a hobo is a sad reflection of your inner hobo.
Most jobs will require some sort of professional attire, and will therefore, will require you to bin your sweatpants and school leavers hoodie that you wore religiously to class for your entire academic life. You want to try and look like a proper employee, and not a newbie graduate, so it is a good choice to invest in some nice gear so that you look the part. Along with this, you will have to be well groomed and clean, this isn't the time to start experimenting with crazy facial hair, or preaching the benefits of 'natural grease', as a reason for not washing (sicko). Try to be organised with your laundry also, don't leave yourself short on the essentials like you may have done in college, as mentioning the fact that you have had the same pair of underwear on for three days will most likely be met with the response, 'You're fired!', instead of 'Aye, same here.' Just remember the golden rule of not being a dirty scumbag and you should be relatively ok.
Have fun while you can kids because out here in the real world, it's grim and tiring and nobody wants to midweek drink in October. *Cries furiously*