Nightclub Etiquette: 16 Ways To Not Be A D*ck

Let's be honest, we've all seen our fair share of absolute dumbfucks on nights out and wondered how they even made it this far in life. The ones that seem to have no filter from their brain to their actions; they just act, do and say whatever the fuck they want in that moment. Here are a few do's and dont's for avoiding dumbfuks when you're in the club...

1) Don't show off your dancing skills.

Dance until your little drunken heart is content, but don't have a fucking cringe dance off or show off your "cool" new moves. Life ain't no movie, people aren't going to form a circle around you, you're just going to end up kicking some poor girl in the face and embarassing yourself.

2) Learn what looks mean what.

Girls often have a scope around the room, a quick 360 to see what's happening and if she meets your eyes, it's a mistake. She definitely didn't mean to. So do not approach. Learn the difference between a lingering glance, which means they're interested, and scoping the room, which means she doesn't want you, so get over it stat.

3) Dancing doesn't mean kissing.

Yes guys, dancing means it's going okay, but it's not an invitation for you to take the dive and latch on for dear life.

4) Dancing but no touching is the key thing to remember.

Okay, guys. Yeah, you can dance with girls. Dance in their direction and if the girl hasn't turned away already, you're doing good. BUT that does *not* mean you can grab or grind.

5) Don't have full conversations, you're not debating the facts of life.

People don't go to clubs to have a nice civilised conversation. No. They want to dance and drink. The shit music is too loud to talk over. Maybe go to McDonalds and have your romantic chat there.

6) Don't slap my bum.

It's sad that I even have to say this. Just don't do it guys, not cool.

7) Don't stand by the toilet door.

GUYS! Don't be creepy and stand outside the toilet. Not attractive, not cool.

8) Don't lead people on for no reason.

Girls, don't ask fellas to buy you drinks if you don't want it to go anywhere. You cheap bitch you.

9) Don't spend your night in the bathroom Ladies.

Girls, we're looking at you. Some people actually need to wee and your makeup is just fine the way it is, ok?

10) Move away from the bar once you have your drink.

Believe it or not, you're not the only person in this establishment who wants to get drunk. No, you don't look super cool leaning against the bar, so just stop.

11) Don't take your heels off.

If you can't handle the pain, don't wear the heels. You're an embarrassment if you're going around the club in a pair of socks. Sexy, I think not.

12) When guys make a big deal out of their friend kissing.

Are you twelve or what?

13) Don't be a dick to bouncers.

If you're a dick to the bouncer, you're just going to hold up the queue and you'll never be allowed in again. Nice one. Idiot.

14) Don't scream when you see your friends, every. single. time.

"OH MY GAWD LOOK AT YOU AHHHHHH!" Just no.

15) Stop annoying the DJ.

"Wiiillll... you plaaay Wonderwall please.?" Leave the DJ alone for the love of God people.

16) Don't ask people for a smoke. Maybe, just maybe you should buy your own.

Don't be a scabby bitch, ok?