Panic, Caffeine Shakes And Cramming: The 10 Stages Of Exam Season
Ahhh, the sun has started to peep its pretty head through the clouds and you can smell the freshly cut grass on the way to lectures in the morning. This means that Summer is nigh, but before you can fill your head with dreams of free time, beaches and cocktails, there's one thing that must be conquered: the dreaded end of year exams. These are the stages that every student goes through during this time of no-sleep and book-worming. Fear not everyone, they'll be over before you know it.
1. Procrastination
This is the initial stage of denial before the actual exam period. You’re fully aware that you have exams at the end of the year, but you lie to yourself in order to calm the nerves. You may take up a hobby or a part-time job, anything to avoid actual study. It’s a fantastic phase where you spend time doing the things you actually enjoy, catching up with friends, painting your toenails, watching multiple films, whatever. The whole time, however, there are dark thoughts looming in the back of your head about exam questions and a constant feeling of impending doom. You continue to ignore this and hope it'll go away.
2. The Freak Out
Okay, you’ve procrastinated enough. You’ve gone for countless coffees and chats and spent enough time on the rugby pitch pretending that you have nothing more substantial to be doing. Now you've fully realised the sheer amount of work you actually have to do. You begin to have a mini-panic attack. Deep breaths, you got this. This little episode forces you to take out the notepad and begin: Chapter 1, Lecture 1.
3. Let the Study Commence!
It’s time to actually get your shit together and start the hard graft. This entails standing outside the library at 9am eagerly awaiting the librarians arrival. You head into the library trying not to be squashed by a stampede of like-minded students all vying for sought after seats. You take out your laptop, notes and highlighters and get the head down and begin the studying process. You've actually got this.
4. You Take Up Smoking
This stage may not apply to all students, but for the majority of people I know, exam season is a time of severe stress, and for some, there’s no better way to relieve that stress than filling your lungs with numerous toxins. If you’re already a smoker, then the amount you smoke daily will multiply ten-fold. This can be for a multitude of reasons but probably because you’re so anxious that you constantly need a smoke-break to calm the nerves, or you simply want a break from staring at notes so you head out for a sneaky cig. We’re not stupid, we know it’s bad for us and costs a fortune, but when you’re that stressed, there’s no talking us out of it.
5. The Caffeine Shakes
There comes a time during the exam season when your caffeine tolerance levels increase ridiculously. This is generally due to the 6 cups of coffee, 2 cups of tea and the red bull you consume daily in a bid to stay awake and sharp as a pin. Then one day, your body simply cannot take any more caffeinated drinks and doom seeps in. Your vision becomes a little blurry and your hands begin to shake. To prevent more shakes, and or death, perhaps stick to water.
6. Cramming
It’s the last few days before the exams start, you've come this far, you can do it. It’s the last hurdle so you begin to frantically cram every piece of relevant information into your brain. The backs of your hands are covered in keywords and your books are full of multicoloured sticky notes. You know you've worked hard up to this point but you can’t help but think that there may be crucial bits of information that you happen to be missing.
7. The 'Exam Crazies'
This is the stage that occurs in the last few days before and during the exams, where you’re doing 12 hour days in the library re-reading the same information over and over again. You’re exhausted, running purely on chocolate, caffeine and nicotine, but you’re almost there. The ‘Exam Crazies’ occur when you’re just so tired that you find the most ridiculous things hilarious, and the most simple problems feel like the end of the world. This too shall pass.
8. Motivational Music
The night before or the morning of the exam is usually a time where you delve deep into your music catalogue in search of the most motivational tunes to get you pumped and ready to absolutely master this shit. Tunes may include: ‘We Are The Champions’ by Queen, good old ‘Eye of the Tiger’ by Survivor, or my personal favourite ‘Flawlesss’ by Beyonce. Beyonce solves everything.
9. Sitting The Actual Exams
You're now in the midst of sitting the exams, the first one is finished and you feel like a champ.
It wasn’t too bad, you're thinking that things might actually work out. You finally feel like all of your hard work over the past few weeks has paid off and you’re ready to absolutely demolish the rest of these papers. Let's do this!
10. FRREEEDOMM!
You’ve done it! You've sat your final exam of the year and you are now free to enjoy the next three months of Summer without a care in the world! There are no words that quite describe this feeling. You have no more cramming to do, and you can almost smell the sambuca shots that you'll inevitably be downing later on tonight. Congratulations! Now, go forth and enjoy your Summer holidays just like you deserve!