Opinion

Fake Christmas Trees Vs Real Christmas Trees - Our Buyer's Guide

Christmas is rapidly approaching, and soon everyone will be propping up overly-flamboyant foliage in their living rooms. Baubles, tinsel, and weird little angel shoved up the top, christmas trees are a true hallmark of the festive season.

No matter how you decorate it there is one question that remains; what's better artificial or real? It's time that we settled this eternal conundrum. Here are the pros and cons of artificial and real trees.

Artificial

Pros

  • They don't shed needles constantly.
  • They fold up for easy storage.
  • You only have to buy them once and they last for years.
  • When you think about it, plastic trees are kinda like sex dolls for conifers. That's funny.
  • If you knock it over it won't do much damage, it's not very heavy.

Cons

  • They can look tacky. Just like you do in that top.
  • They gather an ungodly amount of dust.
  • When you think about it, plastic trees are kinda like sex dolls for conifers. That's gross.
  • If you try and burn it for warmth it will fill your house with toxic fumes

Real tree

Pros

  • The smell, real trees smell just like the little one you have in your car!
  • It always looks amazing. Like, they have branches and shit.
  • You get to watch it slowly die, revel in your superiority as you out-live this feeble plant.
  • If someone knocks it over and it falls on them, it will definitely kill them. That's what they get, the pricks.

Cons

  • It will shed needles everywhere like a balding hedgehog.
  • You have to watch it die, and it will serve as a constant reminder of your own mortality
  • Can trees feel pain?
  • Jesus remember the siege of Isengard? Ents are basically trees and they WRECKED Saruman's gaff. Fuck.
  • They're expensive.

So there we have it; the definitive pros and cons, to help you make an informed decision!

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