10 "Surprising" Things That Turn Guys On

I am a 'him.' And I get turned on from time-to-time. Come have a look at things that can do this, for me anyway-

1. When She's Shaved Her Legs.

I know. You're gonna say: "What an obviously pointless thing to say."

Well. Allow me to retort. Sometimes I find myself in a position where I'm caressing a leg, and I literally think that, with enough friction- I could honestly start a fire. I'll take and it and enjoy it either way of course-  sex is sex. I know that sometimes you arent prepared for impulsive sex but all I'm saying is- smoother is sexier and thats just how I feel.

Tip: Dust off the Venus please.

(This mainly applies to the realm of one-night-stand/early stages territory... I know asking a woman to keep her legs smoothly-shaven whilst in a relationship is akin to asking the Pope for a spare condom. NOT HAPPENING, SAD FACE EMOJI)

2. When She Says "I Want To Have Sex."

That works every time. Oh you coy little minx you. Mind Games. Playing it all cool. You should do that more. You should start announcing it in inappropriate places. And then we would have to deal with the resultant horniness. Jump into a dressing-room, or a janitor's closet...

3. When She Says She's On The Pill.

Grab your coat love. And your prescription.

(Would you welcome a guy's pill by the way?)

4. When She Whispers In/ Kisses Your Ear.

Not fair. Not fair. Not fair. You could be whispering about your granddad's bedsores IDC. So long as there's some level of assonance in there that'll mean some gentle-gentle lobe-buzzing, ball-tingling action: Game Fuckin' On.

5. When She Says "The Results Came Back Negative"

Self explanatory. Let's go.

6. When She Know She Has All The Power, And Acts Like It.

And then gives into it. Like a Dime Bar: Crunchy On The Outside, Smooth On The Inside. Layers.

7. When She Offers To "Give Me A Ballcuzi."

You're going to google that now, aren't you? Go on, get googling, I'll wait.

Well, what do you think? Gross, eh? Funny though!

8. When She's Cool And Funny And Talks Passionately About Interesting Stuff.

You want to have a discussion about what Mac Demarco was trying to achieve with 'Another One?' MINX. Bonus if she's a laugh, an actual laugh like not 'ha ha ha that's so funny' expert at dragging on boring family anecdotes kind of stuff- a bit of actual wit.

9. When She Is Confident In Her Own Skin...

And We Share A Real Connection, And She Seems To Know The Real Me...

10. Monogamy.

Reassurance for little boys (if in relationship).

10. When She Has Her Own Teeth.

Always a bonus.

Video: Weird Turn Ons

Credit: Andrew Quo