5 Sex Clichés That the Average Student Will Never Experience...
The movies give us a pretty skewed vision of what sex really is. Hollywood is full of sex scene clichés that fill us with a certain expectation of how things are gonna go down, but they rarely go the way we've been shown. Some of the things we've been duped into thinking are normal sexual practice include the following;
1) Knocking things off tables.
The movies would have you believe that in a fit of passion, you will sweep the contents of your tabletop immediately to the floor, take your lover right there and damn the consequences. In reality, you really don't want to smash your favourite mug and mess up your neatly organised pens, so you just suggest sex in a bed like a normal human being.
2) Enjoyable shower sex.
Obviously we're not saying that shower sex doesn't happen, we're just saying it only happens because we saw it in the movies and thought it looked hot. Logistically, it's just a terrible idea. Showers aren't usually designed for two people, so you're in this cramped space trying to angle yourself into a comfortable position while water is spraying in your face and you're trying to get jiggy without slipping on the wet floor. Just think, if you slip and break your neck, how will the paramedics explain it to your parents? Besides, how are you actually supposed to properly wash yourself with another person standing there?
3) Wrapping yourself in a sheet.
If you've just gone to town on someone, you've probably seen them naked from pretty much every conceivable angle. In fact, in the moments immediately following sex, you'll be more comfortable being naked in front of someone than you ever will be; covering up for decency's sake makes sense for a movie audience, not for that person you've just fucked.
4) Putting clothes back on immediately after sex.
We've seen it many's a time on screen: the guy or girl, immediately after tapping that sweet piece of ass, rolls out of bed and yanks on their clothes to leave the other person in stunned disbelief. Now, I think I can safely speak for the entire human race when I say that when both parties have been thoroughly satisfied, the only thing they're interested in is falling into a blissful sleep of the dead immediately after. Instant redressing? That would require far too much energy.
5) Ripping clothes off.
Ripping the buttons off a perfectly good shirt is not sexy: it's a nuisance. It leads to non sexy thoughts like, "Don't ruin my going out clothes! Somebody's gonna have to sew that shit back on. And where did those buttons go?!" And BANG! your erection is gone. Slowly does it.