6 Steps To Having A Sexy Valentines Day...
I'm just going to say it, I hate Valentines. What's there to love about a day in which the price of flowers goes up tenfold? Why do people feel the need to post pictures of their boxes of chocolates in a thinly veiled attempt to convince us that someone out there loves them? If you, like me, aren't the biggest fan of the day that is love hearts and sugar, then why not take what's bound to be the only good aspect of Valentines and indulge in some risky, frisky sex. It is the day for it, after all. Here are 6 steps to a sexy Valentines day;
1) Don Your Finest Lingerie
Whether you're in a relationship or out on the pull, as cheesy as it may sound, wearing some sexy lingerie can work wonders for your confidence, not to mention his excitement when he discovers that you're trussed up like a sexy package. The more out there the goods, the better. If not on Valentines day, then when?
2) Have Sex With A Hot Randomer
Assuming that you're single, then going out on the pull on Valentines of all days, is going to be one of your easiest missions yet. Think about it, anyone single is bound to be a little down in the dumps and looking for a night of red hot passion to make them feel good about themselves. People will be down for losing their inhibitions, meaning good, mad sex is likely to be on the cards. While you're at it, why not get chatting to someone extremely out of your league? You might strike gold.
3) Don't Leave Bed All Day
If you fancy avoiding the masses of panicked men and Instagramming women today, then why not set up camp in your bed with a sex buddy to keep you company? You'll save money, keep warm, have shit loads of sex and it'll probably be your best Valentines day to date. Set yourself a target to beat your own personal 'number of times to do it in one day' record, and take breaks only to eat.
4) Do It In Public
Take things up a notch on the self-proclaimed day of love, and indulge in some outdoor sex-tivities. Sure, it's February and baby it's cold outside, but on the plus side, there are bound to be loads of free places to get your jig on. Just be careful not to get caught, the outdoor sex police are probably sick of dealing with people dabbling in their kinkier side on February the 14th.
5) Write A Dirty Card
Who remembers the days of listening to the cool kids counting up their number of secret admirer cards, a trace of 'smug shit' surrounding them like a bad smell? Take a little something from this and write your other half a good old fashioned Valentines card, but with a twist. Old sex memories, your intentions for later on, or even just some instructions on what you want them to do to you, should do the trick. It beats a flower printed monstrosity hands down, every time.
6) Watch A 'Romantic' Film
If you've decided to stay in this V-day, then do a little research and find yourself a borderline filth fest masquerading as a romantic film. It's a sneaky move, but there's very little chance of them not getting turned on, and quickly at that. In fact, if you make it to the end of the film, you've chosen the wrong one....