Meeting The Parents: The Dos and Don'ts

When you've been going out with a girl/guy for a number of months meeting the parents becomes inevitable. It's like a guillotine hanging over you - until you get it over with, it's always going to be there. It's a stressful time and you may be inclined to act out of character when trying to impress them. Just remember, you're having sex with the apple of their eye. Give them a reason to dislike you and they'll jump on it. Believe me, I know. Making a bad first impression with the parental units can be detrimental to the longevity of a relationship. So dry those palms and take a deep breath. Here are some Dos and Don'ts for meeting the parents...

DON'T Make Yourself At Home

If it's your first time in the parental home you may hear the phrase "Make yourself at home." That doesn't mean take what you fancy from the fridge, kick off your shoes and fart to your heart's content. Ask for everything, even if it sounds silly. It's much better to come across as overly nice and polite than ignorant and rude.

DO Be Helpful

If you're going to your other half's house for dinner (as society dictates you must), then this one is crucial. If you sit on your arse watching your potential mother in law sweating over dinner, you're just going to look rude.

"Do you need a hand with that?" "No, honestly I don't mind helping out!"

Throw these in every now and then and you're golden.

DON'T Abandon Your Post

If you've been asked to help with dinner then you help with dinner! This is no time for taking risks. If the dad or whoever it is wants you to come and watch football with him seek permission from the mother. It's a gender stereotype but chances are this is how it's gonna go down. They're watching your every move and abandoning ship after saying that you'd help with dinner is going to go down like a cup of cold sick.

DO Be Inquisitive

They're going to ask you questions. That's just how it is. They're being polite, you're being polite, and everything is hunky-fucking-dory. But it isn't! You can expect to be bombarded by questions about your college course and your ambitions. Don't get carried away. It's easy to talk about yourself when the questions keep rolling in, but you may end up looking selfish. Ask them about work and try to look interested even if you're  literally about to die of boredom. Everyone likes talking about themselves so give them the opportunity. Less work for you!

DON'T Suck Up

If meeting their parents was as easy as just sucking up to them, then we'd all be fine. It really is the last thing you want to do. Respect is the most important thing you can gain from your partner's parents and sucking up is the fastest way to lose it. No one likes a suck up. So yes, ask if you can help with anything but don't go complimenting everything from their garden to the shade of the nose hair. This one is important for guys meeting their girlfriend's Dad. If he thinks you're just agreeing with everything he says he won't think you have anything of value to say yourself. That and a serious lack of balls.

 DO Eat Everything

If your other half offers you the opportunity to influence what dinner will be, take it! The last thing you want to do is not eat what the parent has made. It's insulting and you'll look like a total dickhead. You're going to get massive portions, so if you don't eat carrots and there's a mound of them on your plate you have two options. You can just grit your teeth and eat through the pain. Or you could say you're allergic. Both options basically suck but you are saving feelings. Yay!

DON'T Talk About Religion or Politics

Yeah this is a big no no. The last thing you want to do is spark up a lively debate that ends up with at least one person thinking less of you. That's how opposing sides of  religious and political debates end up seeing each other, as cretinous assholes. Best to avoid it. This is extra important if any of you have been drinking. You might not be having a drink, but their parents could well be and an alcohol-fuelled argument is probably not something that will aid your cause.

DO Dress To Impress

Fairly self-explanatory. If you arrive in sweatpants and a baggy hoodie with curry all over it you've blown it already and they hate your stinking guts. Similarly don't arrive in a saucy little number all tits and ass and 'look at me'. You want them to like you, remember? Go for smart-casual and for God's sake have a shower because nothing says impressive young go-getter like crippling B.O. Nice.

DON'T Complain About Sleeping Arrangements

If you're the girl it might actually be O.K. Parents tend to care less when it isn't their innocent little girl. If you're the guy, on the other hand, it's a whole other ball game. If your partner says it's going to have to be separate beds tonight, then separate beds it is. Have a bit of respect man! Imagine the scene if the two of you were caught too? Not worth thinking about. Just take a night off and have a cold shower, you'll be just fine.

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