Watch Your Mouth: Things You Should Never Say To A Girl On Her Period

Unless you are of the female persuasion, you will never understand this pain. Not only do we get cramps which feel like someone has thrust their hands through our lower abdomen and grabbed our ovaries and crushed them, we also have to deal with blood, bloating and raging hormones. It's like we are being punished by Mother Nature for thwarting her efforts of getting us pregnant. As punishment, we get pain for seven days. We know we are basket cases. We can't help it. Would you be rational if you had blood pouring uncontrollably out of your dick once a month?

Is it that time of the month again?

The time for you be an insensitive pig? I guess so. Never say this to a woman, no matter where she is in her menstrual cycle.

This is just your hormones talking.

And this is just a fist that I'm going to put in your face.

You're a crazy bitch.

You're an insensitive prick.

Maybe you should calm down.

Maybe I should just punch you in the face.

You're overreacting.

OR maybe you're underreacting and I'm reacting just fine.

Sorry, I wasn't listening, what?

Oh, nothing just saying how I think you'd improve with one ball not two.

Whatever.

That's your counter argument? Clever.

So, no sex tonight?

No sex ever if you keep badgering me.

I don't mind a little sauce on my hot dog as long as the bun is tight.

You are not cool, or funny, or suave. You're a dick.

You look fine.

Stop lying to me!!

You're a bit bloated.

You're a bit of an idiot.

Did you eat all the chocolate?

Is the sky blue?

So how are you enjoying your period?

Probably as much as you'd enjoy me sticking a pole covered in mustard up your ass.

What are you wearing?

Sweatpants and a t-shirt. Do you have a problem with comfort?

'Insert other girl's name here' is so hot.

If she's so hot why don't you go over and chat her up and listen to her reject you? It might get her out of your system you insensitive eijit.

Any chance of a handy?

Any chance of a decent boyfriend?

Blowjob out of the question?

Not unless you're OK with me biting your dick off.

I had such a shit day.

At least you didn't have to use tissue as a tampon. You don't understand my pain. Fuck off you insensitive patronizing ass.

Don't say I didn't warn you....

Watch what you say, or shit is going to go down.

Know what looks good on a C.V.? Published work! If you’re interested in joining the College Times team, please email us (info@collegetimes.com). We’d love to hear from you!