Now that we’ve all emerged from our Netflix caves after binging on the new season of Orange is the New Black, it’s time to reflect. Season 3 was a rollercoaster all the way through. Here are 16 things we loved about OITNB's new season. (WARNING: Spoilers ahead! If you haven’t seen the new season yet, turn back now, open up Netflix and get watching!)
1. Big Boo and Pennsatucky’s friendship.
Ah, Pennsatucky … Who would have thought back during Season 1 that she’d end up being such a sympathetic character? Definitely not me. But now, all I want to do is wrap her in a blanket and protect her from the world. It’s comforting to know that Big Boo has her back.
2. There was no Larry.
Anyone else use Larry’s scenes as bathroom breaks during seasons 1 and 2? No need for that anymore - season 3 is beautifully Larry-free. We can happily kiss goodbye to his constant whining once and for all.
3. … And minimal Pornstache.
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I’m pretty sure that Pornstache’s scene this season was met with sighing and eye rolls from all viewers. Thankfully, though, it was only one scene, so we just had to put up with a few minutes of him in return for a season practically free of his creepiness.
4. The panty-smuggling business.
Smuggling used panties out of prison to sell them to perverts on the internet? Great idea! This entire storyline was hilarious, especially Piper’s impassioned “I need your vag sweat” speech. Perverts gonna perv - may as well make some money off of them. I like the way Piper thinks.
5. Norma Christ.
I don’t know about you guys, but if I ever need a miracle, I know who to ask. ALL HAIL NORMA.
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6. Sophia FINALLY got more screentime.
Sophia Burset was WAY under-utilized in the first two seasons, but this time around, we got to see her a lot more, and she didn’t disappoint. More Laverne Cox is always good with me, what with her being a literal goddess and all.
7. Officer Maxwell.
Maxwell is a great addition to the show. An officer who actually cares about the inmates, starts a drama club, and calls out Healy on his bullshit? Now THAT'S what I want to see.
8. Suzanne’s porno.
Don’t deny it - you wanted to read Suzanne’s weird, erotic story by the end of the season. I wonder if there’s a copy of that lying around anywhere…
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9. Red and the Kitchen: the epic saga continues.
Just letting you guys know - Red had nothing to do with the food. It was out of her control, ok?
10. Miss Rosa’s cameo.
Miss Rosa was undoubtedly one of the best characters in season 2, and I know I’m not the only one who screamed out loud at her blink-and-you’ll-miss-it appearance in Caputo’s flashback. If only she’d come back with that van of hers and have a go at Healy…
11. The flashbacks.
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Exploring characters’ backstories is like crack to any TV fan, and OITNB gave us a true gift this season. The characters on the show have always been sympathetic, but we understand them even better now after seeing them out in the real world. Also, Norma pushing that dude off a cliff was pretty awesome.
12. The return of the chicken.
The undisputed star of season 1 returned for a hilarious few minutes this season. No, you’re not going insane, Caputo - we saw it too.
13. Ruby Rose.
The whole world fell in love with Ruby Rose after her OITNB debut, and who could blame them? She literally radiates coolness. (Note that I say ‘Ruby Rose’ and not ‘Stella Carlin’ - the character lacked much relevance or substance, and if it were played by any other actor, it probably wouldn’t be worthy of being on this list. But it is, because, well … Ruby Rose.)
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14. Daya finally had her baby.
I can’t be the only one who was starting to think that baby was never going to come out, and that the writers were going to pull a Family Guy and have Daya pregnant for, like, 10 seasons. But the baby did come, and Daya’s moment with her in the hospital was filled with equal measures of joy and pain. I may have definitely teared up.
15. Lorna’s wedding.
Look up ‘sweetheart’ in the dictionary and you will see a picture of Lorna Morello. Seeing her have her moment of happiness was extremely satisfying. And seeing her consummate the marriage was also interesting. Get it, girl.
16. The ending.
The last 20-or-so minutes of episode 13 was some of the best television I’ve seen this year. The lake sequence was funny and emotional, with just enough cheese. Also, as the chairperson of both the Brook Soso and Poussey Washington fan clubs, their little moment made me squeal like crazy. The entire scene reflected the overall feeling of the series perfectly and made us all remember just how much love we have for all of the Litchfield women, and how much they have for one another. The season ended on such an uplifting note, I’m counting down the days until season 4 already.
