The 6 Stages Of Not Owning Grand Theft Auto V

So it's been a few days, and you might still not own a copy of what has been hailed as a gaming masterpiece. You have seen relationships on standby around you. No level of Man-Flu on Earth has ever caused so many sick days. But beg, borrow or steal, you haven't been able to get yourself a copy of the game. These are hard times and even though you deeply considered it, paying this months rent or eating this week came ahead of the game. For these unfortunate souls, me included, these are truly desperate times. In this Los Santos deprived universe, there are different reactions to a lack of ownership and this is the progression that I for one have noted:

Stage 1: Jealousy

That's right. The green eyed monster reared it's ugly head Tuesday morning as your mate who picked up his pre-ordered copy at midnight on Monday never stops telling you how it's so much better than he ever could have expected. You start to wonder if the jail time for murder would be worth it.

Stage 2: Sadness

Head in your hands you realise, that no matter how much envy you can pour into the situation. You're just not going to play that game. Trawling through your facebook feed seeing stellar reviews, screen grabs of the cinematic gameplay and articles about it's record breaking sales only brings you pain. Best course of action is now to curl up under a duvet and ignore the outside world.


Stage 3: Reasoning

Now in you're dark and blankety kingdom, you have some time to think. Maybe this game is one of those mob mentality situations where because everyone says it's amazing, doesn't make it so. Kind of like Avatar. This brings you hope. The world seems bright again as you remember that nothing is perfect and you have some great other games to play that are just as good.

Stage 4: Jealously Again

When It's Clear You Were Wrong. You have been a fool. You thought the world was safe again but one more look at the trailer for the game that you've already seen a hundred times brings back the knowledge that you are missing out on a gaming experience like no other. You take an ill-fated trip to one of your mate's houses who owns the game and much to your dismay, it's flawless. As soon as the controller is in your hands you have touched the pinnacle of modern gaming.


Stage 5: Desperation

Having had your tiny taste of the game you know that you must have it at all costs. You've entered every social media contest to win a copy, you've half heartedly tried the preowned section of GameStop hoping for a once-in-a-lifetime deal. You regret your earlier decision to be a human being and upstanding member of society and contemplate the benefits of living a week as a feral animal in order to buy the game. Eating out of bins can't be that frowned upon right? This is a recession.

Stage 6: Defeat

Nope. It's no use. maybe in the coming weeks you can find a copy and you'll have made it but the sheen will be gone. Your excited reactions to parts of the game will be met by bored replies and "You're only there? What have you been doing?" Sad roads trips around the games countryside, blaring Rebel Radio's country ballads and taking in the pixelated beauty, make you slightly bitter, but you know that at least you have made it here in the end. You've returned to your blankety haven is better now that you're peeking out of it into a happier place.

Sam Williamson

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