Let's just get straight to this shall we? Rita Ora, at the EMAs, repurposed a rubber pitchfork as a sort of necklace.
I am certainly someone who is more than happy to countenance the wearing of outfits that push the boat out, being, as I am, the inventor of the denim wetsuit. While this piece of intellectual property, due to the foolhardy ignorance of the fashion industry, seems unfortunately doomed to never see the light of day, it highlights a sartorial nous that I feel gives me license to pass judgement on the fashion choices of others.
Now, to put Rita Ora's choice in context, she was fronting the EMAs and this dress with a rubber pitchfork shackles to its front, was just one of 13 outfits that she wore. I'm sure that most of the audience at the award show were so dazed by the staggering amount of costume changes that, by the time this dress made its appearance, they no doubt dismissed the pitchfork as some sort of collective hallucination.
Yet it was, as the old saying conveniently goes, 'as real as a rubber pitchfork attached to the dress of Rita Ora'. While it may be easy to scoff, to turn your nose up at what is clearly some desperate cry for help from a low-level fashion designer who was forced to work overtime designing 13 outfits for one woman and had mentally reached breaking point, it will be Rita who has the last laugh if someone needs some to dig up potatoes at short notice. She is pioneering a beautiful synthesis between function and fashion, she is bringing the principles of Bauhaus to clothes.
Forget your flat-caps; set fire to your chunky-knit Aran sweaters; piss all over your Barbour jackets and throw them in a ravine, culchie fashion, as we have come to know it has been made redundant, in one fell swoop by Rita Ora. Now, if you aren't wearing a dress with a piece of heavy duty gardening equipment gaffer-taped to it, you are, sartorially speaking, absolutely fucking irrelevant.