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I come bearing important news. The udder of reality television announcements is plump and brimming with creamy news, please, give room so its rich, savoury goodness may be siphoned. If you are wearing a hat, hold onto it; if you are wearing socks, please, see my advice re: hats, as they are in danger of being rocked clean off or if you are one of the many people who owns a jaw, please gaffer-tape it tightly to your face, as that puppy may just hit the floor when I reveal to you my tidings - which may have been alluded to in the headline.
Love Island is back. In a sense. There is a spin-off show centred around two of the people who appeared on Love Island, Chris and Kem, titled Straight Outta Love Island, starting at 9pm tonight on ITV2.
This pair of boyos achieved notoriety for their romance of an entirely different kind. There was nothing even close to penetration between these two, I would be shocked to hear if they had done anything than, say, kiss with tongue? Instead their relationship was something of a brotherly romance, or, if you will, 'bromance'.
Despite Kem winning the show with his partner Amber, it will instead focus on the exploits of Kem and Chris, she will, presumably play a relatively meagre role, if any.
The premise of this here fiasco show, in a world where it seems everyone who has been near a television, and also their granny, is being offered a show, is that they will apparently attempt to create a single with grim artist Stormzy.
Name a more iconic trio...@ChrisHughes_22 and @KemCetinay are reunited with @Stormzy1! @ITV2 9pm Sunday & Monday pic.twitter.com/D49lYnj1Er
— Love Island (@LoveIsland) September 30, 2017
Let's let that sink in for a minute. In their bios, released when they were going on Love Island, Chris is described as a 'Golf Clothing Ambassador' and Kem is a 'Hairdresser' and yet, by virtue of them being able to cajole people into making love to them in a coastal villa, they are presented with the chance to make a single with Stormzy. It wouldn't be at all surprising if one of the producers of the show was listed as 'The Make A Wish Foundation'.
Why stop there though, while they are treading on the toes of other professions, there ought be plenty more opportunities for them. Surely there is room in this world, specifically in the broadcast schedule of ITV2, to expand this? Why not team up with Mary Berry to bake some cakes, or have Chris & Kem take on dressage with Princess Anne, or Chris & Kem's Bomb Disposal Island.
Straight Outta Love Island airs tonight and tomorrow at 9pm on ITV2.
