There are many reasons that people turn to alcohol. Some for comfort, some for pleasure, yet more turn to drinking however because they are attempting to take the edge off one of the most simultaneously wonderful and harrowing televised events of the year; The Late Late Toy Show. You will find that this is a journey best not undertaken alone, you will find that for this - much like an accountant with a genuine love for his work - there is comfort in numbers.
As such it would be nothing short of irresponsible of you not to type out a message reading something along the lines of 'Tubs gonna be wrastling with children, LIVE, K.O. 9.35 tomorrow, u in to slam bevvies?' and give it the ol' 'Send All' treatment. Once you've seen to the slew of 'Don't have your number, who's diss' messages and emotionally come to terms with the fact that these people then stopped replying to you once you actually furnished them with your identity, you can then turn your attentions to explaining to those that showed a legitimate interest in your message what it actually meant.
You will say that 'Tubs' of course refers to acclaimed RTÉ presenter, and sentient whisp of straw, Ryan Tubridy; 'wrastling with children' refers to him attempting to salvage some entertaining material from fast-paced interviews with children who have yet to develop a functional capacity for, or awareness of, broadcasting protocol; 'K.O. 9.35 tomorrow' alludes to the fact that the programme will commence at 9.35pm on RTÉ One, and finally, 'slamming bevvies' seems to be an invitation to meet up to drink heavily while watching the aforementioned programme.
If, however, you are without functional access to a television, or any sort of screened device, and are in the Dublin area, then we've got riveting news, as The Fourth Corner are set to host a Late Late Toy Show viewing party in their pub tomorrow night.
They have created a Facebook event for the occasion which includes a set of rules for a drinking game that it encourages all attendants to participate in. The event itself begins at 9pm and it is billed as going on until 'late' and they will be broadcasting the show live on televisions across both floors of the pub.
The rules for their drinking game are as follows:
1. Every time you spot an audience member in novelty antlers.
2. Every time Tubs says “one for everyone in the audience”.
3. Every time a child goes rogue on a wheeled toy.
4. Every time talented kids make you feel inadequate.
5. Every time the batteries are dead (even though it worked “when we tried this earlier”).
6. Every time a toy fails to work.
7. Every time you pay more attention to the lads and lassies wheeling the stuff on and off.
8. Every time a child does something that is guaranteed to be in your Facebook news feed the following morning.
Cringey Christmas jumpers are a must.
So if you and a few friends are at a loose end for what is always the greatest televisual extravaganza of the year, then shoot your chuff over to the Fourth Corner for the love of god!