Features

Dear Mr Zuckerberg: 11 Features Facebook Needs To Have

Dear Mr Zuckerberg: 11 Features Facebook Needs To Have

Facebook is constantly changing and updating its features. Gone are the days where cover photos were non existent and you had to download the dislike button. With Facebook's new quirky features that can be deemed either a blessing or a curse, depending what way you look at it, there are still a few we hope Mark Zuckerberg would add to the mix

1. Notifications when someone views your profile

If this doesn't excite you, then chances are you're the creep everyone wants to know if you're snooping on their profile. Imagine a world where Facebook told you who was going through your ''Summer 2011'' album? However, your days of creeping on your housemates hot brother will be over. Otherwise we'll have his cousins best friend's sisters boyfriends Aunty wondering who this crazy b*tch is looking through her holiday pictures.

 

2. A Dislike Button

OK, it may hurt a few people's feelings, but some need to be told virtually that we could all care less about your holiday to Ibiza with the girls, or how long you've been at the gym for. A dislike button is a passive aggressive way of telling you to shut the f*ck up.

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3. Passive Friend Requests

No one likes sending friend requests. Especially when it's to someone you had a one night stand with and now you're worried you're coming on way too strong. A feature like this would be perfect for any of you awkward souls. With this feature, you indicate that you would like to become friends but no notification is received by the other person. They're oblivious to your desperate attempt of a friendship. However, if the other person also wants to become friends, the same will happen on their end and you will both become friends. Neither of you come off as pushy, everybody wins.

 

4. Mark Posts As Read

How annoying is it when you're lying in bed at night, phone in hand and a double chin for days and your newsfeed is just clogged with the same repetitive shite you've already scrolled past that day? It would be a way for Facebook to know that ''I've already read these posts, don't show them to me anymore.''

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5. Filtering Your Newsfeed

If ever there was a day when you're in the mood to read something in particular, this feature would give you the ability to pick and choose what you see on your homepage by just typing one little word into your search bar. Yes, hello I would like to be put through to Mark Zuckerberg please.

 

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6. Turn Off Comments/Likes On Posts

There's always that one dickhead who insists on commenting on all of your posts. Usually it's with a smart comment, trying to embarrass you but what if all of this could be solved by adding a feature that would turn off the comment option? Sometimes deleting people can come off as too harsh so this would kill two birds with one stone.

 

7. Seeing What Photos Someone Liked

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Could come off as a little stalkerish, but sometimes we want to know what photos our boyfriend is liking and by what photos, we mean girls. Prepare to be sleeping on the couch if this feature ever becomes implemented.

 

8. A Notification When You Are Unfriended

It usually takes months for us to realise when someone has unfriended us and the time has usually passed to pull them up on it. There are usually valid reasons for wanting to know why someone has deleted us and if this feature exits, it would resolve a lot of controversial issues.

9. Temporary Mute Button

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Yes, the unfollow button has been added to Facebook's long list of features. However, once you unfollow someone, they'll get a notification when you follow them back. Cover = blown. At least with a temporary mute button, we are free to shut our virtual friends up while they update and share posts about things we really could care less about.

 

10. Drunk Recognition Technology

YES YES AND YES. How terrifying is it to log onto Facebook on a Sunday morning only to discover you've been tagged in a whole fucking album of drunken selfies? With this feature, Facebook could recognise that you are clearly not in the right frame of mind in any of these pictures, therefore disallowing your friends from ever uploading them. A little friendly message will pop up and say ''are you sure you want to upload this picture because your friend looks pretty plastered here''. Problem solved.

 

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11. Spoiler Alerts

Unfortunately, we still live in a world where people think it's acceptable to tell us the ending of the new Game of Thrones, or what happens at the end of Civil War. If Facebook could start telling us when Mark from the bar decides to ruin it for everyone with his grammatically incorrect status, that would be great.

 

 

Video: 5 Facebook Tricks You Need In Your Life

 

 

Credit: BuzzFeedBlue

Alexandra Marsden
Article written by
18, journalism student who loves smokes and cans

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