Everyone will have their own innate predispositions toward particular talents. Some will be blessed with an ear for music, whereby they are able to create, dissect, and rearrange melodies with ease. Others will find themselves naturally adept athletes, their bodies finely tuned machines, honed for speed, poise, and strength. A select few however will find that their talents lie in a more niche field; these lucky few will find that their strengths lie in ascertaining the quality of ingredients in alternating series of meat and vegetables arranged on a metal skewer.
Should you find yourself falling into the latter category, then I would like to initially offer you my sympathies as it seems unfortunate that the area in which you possess an innate passion seems to provide no inherent social or economic use. Secondly, I would like to caveat the preceding sentence with the addendum 'until now!'. Finally, a situation has arisen where your very particular set of skills may finally bear fruit - monetarily speaking.
The Botanist, a chain of restaurants and bars across the UK, are looking to hire a 'Professional Kebab Eater'. One of the dishes served by the restaurant that they pride themselves on are their hanging kebabs. In fact, they take such pride in their hanging kebabs that they appear, in their promotional literature, to have trademarked the name 'Hanging Kebabs'™. "What is a Hanging Kebab™?" I hear you ask? Well, it is essentially just a normal shish kabob suspended from a sort of hook, it is essentially what you might expect to be served at a dinner party hosted by Jigswa, the antogonist of the Saw films.
They are adding several new Hanging Kebabs™ to their menu and are looking for someone to test them so as to ensure that they are of the same quality as their existing range. The successful applicant will also be responsible for taste-testing any future additions to the range.
Their website lists the criteria, and compensation for the position as follows.
- Ensure our new Hanging Kebabs™ are as 'grill-iant' as our exisiting Hanging Kebabs™ .
- Trial and test the ideal side dishes and sauces to be served with each Hanging Kebab™.
- Decide the perfect drink to complement our Hanging Kebabs™ (We think it could be a bottle of Goose Island or a well-crafted cocktail).
- Develop new Hanging Kebab™ options for The Botanist 2020 menu.
- Try our Christmas Hanging Kebab™ to ensure it is set to become another festive favourite.
- £500 on completion of your first job.
- A Hanging Kebab™ meal for two every month in 2020.
- Bonus Pancake Hanging Kebab™ to celebrate Shrove Tuesday.
- The chance to have a Hanging Kebab™ of your own creation added to our Spring Specials in your local Botanist site.
To apply, click here!