On a normal day you might not notice these different stereotypes. However, this is no normal day. It's your first day of exams and you're freaking out. You begin to notice a lot more of what's happening around you than you ever did before. Everyone annoys you, and everything is an ordeal or an obstacle you must overcome. You haven't even sat the exam and you're already sweating like a teenage girl at a Justin Bieber concert. Here are the many different types of people you may encounter on your way to that dreaded exam..
Briefcase in hand, using their phone with the other, and the newspaper sat across their lap. They're everywhere. That'll be you next year. Oh dear God, I hope it will. The thoughts of doing this all over again kills my soul. I wonder what they even do all day? They probably just sit around their desk chatting, drinking coffee and laughing about the previous year. Or else they're bored out of their minds? Hang on. I have an internship with Ernst & Young for the summer, I'll come out paler than I walked in. What has my life become? Will I ever taste freedom? Sigh.
I bet they didn't have such a hard time back when they were doing exams. Did they even have any? Did they just go to War instead? They probably did. Better get off this seat and offer it up. I'm such a good person, karma definitely owes me. I can't wait until I'm old. No wait, I'll be that spinster living with 200 cats. I can wait. Maybe this little old lady has something lucky I can rub off before I get off the bus? Oh look, a fur scarf. Nope, nope. That's her cat..
The School Crew
F*ckers. They have it so easy and they don't even realise it. Why didn't our parents warn us that our childhood would be the easiest thing we'd ever have to go through? No exams, no drama, no boy/girl trouble. Looking at them, knowing they didn't even have to dress themselves this morning. How I envy you right now. I can still barely dress myself. Saying that you just notice you're wearing odd shoes. Sob.
The Possessive Parents
Walking through the front gates, awaiting failure, you see numerous amounts of students being dropped off by their parents. You see them bid farewell and good luck to their babies as if they were back in primary school again. What's even worse. Imagine if your mum got out of the car to go to her exam too? Study buddies - Cringe.
The Parking Assistants
Driving along to your exam, frantically looking through your notes at the same time. You arrive at the exam hall and proceed to drive into the car park. You pay your parking fee and continue on into the maze of vehicles hoping you find a space. You turn a corner and you're met by another parking assistant. The f*ck? You roll down your window to be met by “€3 please”. Your stress levels have blown off the roof and the last thing you can remember before your exam is your response:
“I paid the other f*cker so go f*ck yourself”. Yes, that just happened.
The Smoking Sorority
Upon arriving at the exam hall you're greeted with a cloud of nicotine infused smoke, how appealing. As if I wasn't feeling ill enough already. Between the smoke and the crowds of people you find it hard to navigate your way towards the entrance. You've found it. Quick, get in before you get lost again.
The Urination Union
You've managed to find a spot to do some serious study. All is going well until you realise you've planted yourself beside the toilet entrance. People are coming and going like there's no tomorrow, the stench is becoming unbearable. Oh god, I'm going to vom. I really hope they call this exam soon.
The Headphone Hounds
My God, their music is so loud they may as well be playing it through speakers. There's no other spot to sit so you just have to make do. I don't want to be one of those either who ask people to turn their music down, even though I really want to. Why do they have to listen to such sh*t music before their exam though? This both annoys and upsets me. All I want to do is crawl back into bed and cry. Aaaand I'm crying.
The Crying Creeps
Oh dear Lord, seriously? After Mr Headphones gets lost your ears have fallen victim to another disturbing sound. Your eyes are drawn to the other side of the hall and you see a girl in hysterics. You don't even know if she's going into her exam or if she's just come out of it. Either way, is it really necessary to shed so many tears? Especially in front of so many people? Just stop.
4 words – Shut the f*ck up.
The Freak-Out Fools
The inevitable freak outs are bound to cross your path at some stage. Whether it's someone you know or someone you've never met before, they all have the same affect on you no matter what. These beings are a dangerous breed. They will haunt your mind and make you question everything you've done in preparation for your exam. You'll forget everything you've learnt and start thinking about everything you haven't.
The Selfie Sluts
An exam has just finished and the waiting area is now swarmed with first years. Girls come out running and giggling like a pack of hyenas and their phones are quickly taken out to take the infamous 'finished exams' selfie. Put your phones away, you all look like sh*t.
The Annoying Annoucers
Frantically going through all your notes. You've been called into the exam hall. The sheer panic that goes through your head once you hear that awful announcement, you check your watch in terror to find you still have 35 minutes before it even starts. The f*ck? Why would they even bother? They must gets their kicks out of the pandemonium that occurs after. I suppose it quite funny seeing people shove their notes back into their bag, run to the loo, or rush out for just one last smoke break. F*ck, I'm doing that exam too..
If you manage to avoid the majority of these people you've done well, very well. If you have yet to sit your exams make sure to bring a baseball bat, or something else that's bound to terrify anyone in your vicinity.