Us Irish are a special breed. We're confident in a very specific, very strange type of way. We'll brag about being able to drink a tiny man under the table, but tell you to go fuck yourself if you even attempt to compliment us in any way, shape or form. We're nothing if not passionate and that's especially true when it comes to things we hate. Here are 19 things that us Irish love to hate:
1) Ryan Tubridy
In the scheme of things, not a bad fella but the Late Late ruined him. Poor Tubs, he can't catch a break.
Bono is a pox, or so the saying goes. Everyone hates him but everyone tried to get a ticket for the SIX sold out shows they'll play here in November. Why? Because he's Bono, and he does a lot for charity and the music actually is good and he had the best bit in Do They Know It's Christmastime and he knows a shit-ton of famous people. Just sayin'.
3) Gay Byrne
Everyone's favourite Late Late Show host because they got actual famous people in when he was there. But Gaybo is a condescending w*****r. But he's still the best Late Late host. We promise we're not going to completely slate the Late Late Show here....
4) The Late Late Show
OK, we lied. Sort of. It's a bit shit and boring and you know that if you're watching it, your Friday night hasn't gone as well as you'd hoped. But it still kills in the ratings. We've figured that out too. We hypothesize that people only watch the Late Late every week just in case the Toy Show is on a bit early this year, even though it never is #Sadface
5) People Who Say: "It'd Be Rude Not To"
The only rude thing happening here is you taking a picture of your pint instead of drinking it.
6) People Who Say: "Ah Sure Look, Be Grand"
We know it's going to be grand, but the phrase is so overused. It'd drive you to the drink. (This phrase is also overused).
Because success gives people notions and you just can't have that. The only acceptable form of begrudgery.
"They get all that $$ from the TV Licence but there's never ANYTHING on except the f**king Late Late." I'm beginning to notice a pattern here.
9) Claiming Irishness Unless You're Famous
Secretly, we're kinda proud that Mike Hannigan from Flushing, Queens, New York City wants to be a part of our thing so much, but unless he's a Hollywood A-Lister we don't want to know. It's an exclusive club, you see.
Is there a nation on earth worse than the Irish people for accepting compliments. Not one person in this country of ours was raised with the knowledge of how to take praise with grace. "Ah, hun ya look massive!" "Ah, jaaaysis no hun. You look stunnin'!". But everyone loves a compliment so you might be saying: "Aaaaah wouldje stop!", on the outside, but on the inside you're all like: "Yep, keep it coming!".
11) Tea That's Not Barry's or Lyons
This is actually something that Irish people purely hate. Imagine going to a friend's house and after you accept their offer of a cup of tea, they hand you this with your cup:
Would you still be friends after? I wouldn't think so. We won't even get into the whole Barrys vs. Lyons fiasco because there aren't enough hours in the day.
12) A Bad Pint
Despite the fact that, in their formative years Irish students would lick drink off a scabby foot, we suddenly all become experts on what constitutes a bad pint by the time we're 21. It is inexcusable, though. A sin, some might say.
13) Public Transport
Public transport in Ireland is shit. It's better than most underprivileged and underdeveloped countries around the world but dire in comparison to any European/American city. You won't convince me nor any other Irish person any different, so don't waste your time.
14) The Immersion
The death of your mother and father. How much money does it cost to keep it running? And how much tension does it cause in the house when you leave it running? HATE.
15) Empty Milk Cartons Left In The Fridge
Like what the motherfuck is even the point? Are you suddenly some sort of empty milk carton collector? Are you starting a museum?
I don't need to elaborate. Poxbags. (They're grand lads, we're sure but just go away and leave us alone please and thnaks.)
After meeting some of the lads about Dublin (The Corminator drives a taxi) we can confirm that they're alright. But Tallafornia was THE worst thing to ever hit Irish TV screens. Like, Fair City has fans. Tallafornia =
Everyone hates seeing someone getting a job or an award because of who their father/mother/uncle/aunt/granny's dog is. Buuuuut, at the same time, they'd take the same job or award in a heartbeat if their father/mother/uncle/aunt/granny's budgie offered it to them. Gladly.
19) Leaving Doors Open
"WERE YOU BORN IN A FUCKIN' FIELD?!"