To be honest, fake tan can only go two ways. You end up looking like an over-cooked carrot, or a tiger because it's so streaky. Yet for some goddamn reason, we keep putting it on. Every Friday, there isn't a bedroom that doesn't stink of fake tan. It's a sort of ritual at this stage. Even if you're a pro, every girl has these thoughts when putting on fake tan:
1) "I think I heard you're supposed to exfoliate before you tan... Oh well, too late now. I'm breaking the rules."
2) "Do I need to moisturise? Or is there moisturiser in the tan? IT'S ALL SO CONFUSING."
3) "Agh it's cold!"
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4) "Oops, squeezed a little too much out. Not to worry, I'll just spread it around... and around... and around..."
5) "And now my hands are orange. Great. I knew I should have bought a mitt."
6) "How did I miss that big a patch?!"
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7) "Let me just fill it in really quickly... and prepare myself for the streaks."
8) "Why wasn't I blessed with tanned skin like J-Lo? That bitch is #flawless."
9) "CRAP I always forget to do my armpits."
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10) "But I need to shave... and if I shave I'll shave off the tan I just put there... guess I'll be going stubbly then."
11) "Look at that tan line on my jaw. Perfection."
12) "I'll just do a reaaaally light layer on my face."
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13) "TOO MUCH TOO MUCH."
14) "Mooooooom can you do my back for me?"
15) "This smells like shit."
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16) "How far up my leg should I tan? Is having a pale bum a good look?"
17) "Pffft no one will see it anyway. PALE ALL THE WAY #natural."
18) "I can tell already that my knees took most of the tan on my legs."
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19) "BETTER PUT ON ANOTHER LAYER THEN."
20) "I've rubbed too hard and now those little weird blobs are on my skin."
21) *washes it all off*
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