24 Thoughts Every Girl Has When Putting On Fake Tan

To be honest, fake tan can only go two ways. You end up looking like an over-cooked carrot, or a tiger because it's so streaky. Yet for some goddamn reason, we keep putting it on. Every Friday, there isn't a bedroom that doesn't stink of fake tan. It's a sort of ritual at this stage. Even if you're a pro, every girl has these thoughts when putting on fake tan:

1) "I think I heard you're supposed to exfoliate before you tan... Oh well, too late now. I'm breaking the rules."

2) "Do I need to moisturise? Or is there moisturiser in the tan? IT'S ALL SO CONFUSING."

3) "Agh it's cold!"

4) "Oops, squeezed a little too much out. Not to worry, I'll just spread it around... and around... and around..."

5) "And now my hands are orange. Great. I knew I should have bought a mitt."

6) "How did I miss that big a patch?!"

7) "Let me just fill it in really quickly... and prepare myself for the streaks."

8) "Why wasn't I blessed with tanned skin like J-Lo? That bitch is #flawless."

9) "CRAP I always forget to do my armpits."

 

10) "But I need to shave... and if I shave I'll shave off the tan I just put there... guess I'll be going stubbly then."

11) "Look at that tan line on my jaw. Perfection."

 

12) "I'll just do a reaaaally light layer on my face."

 

13) "TOO MUCH TOO MUCH."

14) "Mooooooom can you do my back for me?"

15) "This smells like shit."

16) "How far up my leg should I tan? Is having a pale bum a good look?"

17) "Pffft no one will see it anyway. PALE ALL THE WAY #natural."

18) "I can tell already that my knees took most of the tan on my legs."

19) "BETTER PUT ON ANOTHER LAYER THEN."

20) "I've rubbed too hard and now those little weird blobs are on my skin."

21) *washes it all off*

22) "Take two."

23) "Ah yeah, that'll do."

24) *wakes up the next morning* Look at these stripes, I am a proud lion and hater of fake tan.