9 People It's Time To Unfriend On Facebook

There comes a time on your Facebook when you realise that somewhere down the line, you stopped paying attention to friend requests that you were irresponsibly sending and accepting. Now you're left with some of the worst cretins to exist on social media, and are forced into trawling through the sheer tripe on your newsfeed just to find the tiniest sliver of interesting information from your real friends. Here are the 9 types of people that it's time to unfriend on Facebook.

 9. The girl that comments "OMG STUNNING HUN" too often.

You know the type. Girls LOVE to comment on their friend's relatively attractive photos and lie to them, saying how "stunning" they look. They will often explain how they are "SO JEALOUS" and ask "WHY ARE YOU SO SKINNY?!" She comments in all caps and leaves "xxx" after everything. It's time for her to walk the plank.

8. The workout updater.

Now I have no problem with people sharing their fitness achievements or goals on Facebook. You benched 250kg? Nice! You completed the full men's marathon? Well done! Absolutely no problems with them. BUT it's the people who post daily statuses about how great their calf workout was today, how they burned 37 calories on a powerwalk home from work or, even worse, tag themselves at the gym getting ready for another intense workout... F*ck right off.


7. The Baby photo girl.

This girl is worse than the one who actually gave birth. She posts photos of someone else's child on numerous occasions throughout the day. Imagine how bad it will get when they actually do bring a human being into the world?!

6. The relationship laundry person.

There's always MORE than a few. The ones that like to embarrassingly air out their dirty laundry all over Facebook. They'll post lovey-dovey messages on their significant others wall one day, then type out an ALL CAPS rant about why men only think with their penises the next. They will post statuses about their ongoing relationship drama as if their lives are somewhat as interesting to us as the relationship of Brad Pitt and Aneglina Jolie. Well guess what? It's NOT!


5. The selfie overindulger.

The one who got an iPhone and went absolutely selfie crazy! I'm not talking about selfies at a music gig, sports event or tourist attractions. I'm talking about the ones who post selfies at the gym, local bar and at home with their cats...

4. Your most recent ex.

I cannot stress this enough. If you and your ways went your separate ways in REALITY, it's best that you do the same on Facebook! Jealousy can be a horrible thing and you KNOW that each of you will be stalking the other's profile, checking up on what they're saying, who they're hanging out with and where they're going while the breakup is still fresh.


3. Your creepy relative who likes to comment on all your photos.

"Lookin' goooood. Lookin' reeeeaaaal good!" They'll comment border-line incestuous comments on your Facebook pics and send tingles down your spine, and make the hair on the back of your neck stand up. Cringe-worthy is not even the word, it's actually pretty scary. You'll have to un-friend them, not only to save yourself the embarrassment, but also your sanity!

2. The one who "likes" absolutely everything.

The douchebag who likes every status, photo and event under the sun, but never comments on anything. It's insightful into his personality - he's the one who never likes to offend anyone and sits on the fence during every debate, never offering up an opinion of his own. This trigger-happy friend abuses the like button and he needs to go.

1. The unnecessary emotional status updater.

The one who posts the most irritating, depressing, awful statuses ALL the time! What's worse is that they'll only ever have that one person who's just as pathetic commenting "aww, what's wrong hun?" Their statuses never get any likes and yet they continue to consistently post "deep" stuff like, "life... ugh" or "if someone knocks you down, make sure you get back up." You screenshot their statuses and share them with your friends because they infuriate you so much! If it gets to the stage where you're considering murder as a viable option, it's probably best that you un-friend this person.

Damien Slater
Article written by
Damien is a handsome 20-something recent graduate, with a developing tint of megalomania and unwarranted sense of entitlement. He is a fond lover of happy hour and is a self-proclaimed "expert" in pickup-artistry. With an aptitude for writing and solving algebraic equations, he is currently enjoying life, bouncing from one hot blonde to the next, and hopes to soon achieve the 100th notch on his bedpost.

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