This goes for Tinder, facebook, Twitter and all the other forms of social media that requires you to have a profile picture. What's that? You don't care what people think? oh, of course you do, otherwise you wouldn't have clicked the article.
Duckface
What is it?
Usually a girl, pressing her lips together and pouting them, resembling a duck.
But Why?
The puckering of the lips accentuates the cheekbones making the person look thin and eradicating their double chin. It's also intended as an 'I'm so fun and cute' pose
What does everyone else think?
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That's it's neither fun nor cute, it's literally just a way of contorting your face to make you look thin. Literally no one is fooled.
Couple Shot
What is it?
Usually contrived and slightly awkward shot of a couple who are touching in some affectionate yet appropriate for facebook kind of way.
But Why?
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Isn't it obvious? Because they looooove each other so bloody much, they're not even just one person anymore - they are two. "One half of a whole. Yes, it says my name and it is my profile but I share it now. We share everything."
What does everyone else think?
That you're losers.
The Crop Out
What is it?
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A picture of somebody with others arms, legs, chins and foreheads around the edges.
But Why?
This person either doesn't like the people in the original picture or the people featured were better looking.
What does everyone else think?
That you're so vain you can't bare to have anyone else taking your limelight. For shame.
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The Throwback
What is it?
A photo from years ago, usually of you in some foreign country, looking tanned and exotic, maybe some face paint, possibly a cool hat that you'd never dream of wearing at home.
But Why?
The tan and eccentric outfit is the key to this picture, you probably don't even really look like yourself. You more than likely look skinny or toned because of the amount you've been drinking and shitting on the holiday and you look genuinely happy which, let's be honest, is the most attractive you can look.
What does everyone else think?
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Phwar! You look well... but hang on, what does that tiny little date say at the bottom of the photo? Thailand 08'. Ah here, get off the stage and update. It's all lies!
The Pet
What is it?
A picture of your dog, cat or something weird and creepy like a snake.
But Why?
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Because you hate the camera and you love your pet.
What does everyone else think?
That you're probably very ugly. Sorry but it's true (not that you're ugly but that it's what people assume).
The Muscle
What is it?
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Usually a guy picture of a body part that they're particularly proud of. A big muscly arm or even the whole of the upper body, naked or in a tight vest.
But Why?
Bros and bitches, look at my muscles and be envious.
What does everyone else think?
That you're a complete douchebag who needs to be put down.
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The Party Animal
What is it?
A picture of the person doing a beer bong, holding a cocktail, downing a shot... Alcohol. Alcohol consumption of any sort.
But Why?
This person wants to be seen as fun, wild, craazzzzy, cool... did I mention fun?
What does everyone else think?
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That you're probably fun but have little or no regard for your career and/or job. Hello service industry.
The World Traveller
What is it?
Probably a picture of you on Machu Picchu or on the 'beach' from The Beach, or maybe even drinking out of a coconut, you crazy cat you.
But Why?
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People who travel are generally more interesting and that point in your life was probably, and maybe still is, the happiest time you remember.
What does everyone else think?
Everyone appreciates a good 'top of mountain' photo, arms out and loving life. Fuck it, have a like!
The Model Headshot
What is it?
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A professional picture taken by a 'photographer' for your 'portfolio' that you probably paid through the nose for. Looking 'sexy', over exposed and airbrushed.
But Why?
Because you're the next Cindy Crawford and you want everyone to know it.
What does everyone else think?
That you're a complete idiot.
