An Idiot's Guide to Basic Fitness/Health In College

This is our guide to basic fitness/healthiness showing YOU how to get fit and look good without being a complete and utter gym rat and/or boring man who's life revolves around fitness. It is not hard. It's about habits.



First, let me dispel a few myths about what makes you fat. Healthy fats don't make you fat. The unhealthy foods you eat all the time are trans fats in your takeaways and crisps and oven pizzas/chips/assorted shit. And too many carbohydrates make you fat. If you eat a carb-based diet and don't exercise, the unused sugar you're consuming will deposit in your body as fat. As a student, you don't need to eat shite to save money. Chicken, steak, mince, eggs, bags of salad leaves, rice, spuds and oats are cheap as the chips you usually buy. Eat these and other natural foods, don't completely pig out on shite every day (have a bar of chocolate or two if you feel like it) and exercise often and you'll end up in decent shape. Not a protein shake in sight!

The Actual Exercise



Lookit, not everyone is or can be an athlete. I appreciate all body types and so should you. Love your own body. But if you really feel like you need a body that loosely resembles the magazines and movies, you need to do a few things. If you're already eating right, half the battle is won. So now, get thine ass to the gym. Most young lads get too wrapped up in body-building techniques that are kind of pointless when you don't need or want to be a bodybuilder. There are only 5 basic techniques you need to be able to do well to get yourself looking and feeling good. Squatting, deadlifting, bench pressing/push-ups, shoulder pressing and chin-ups/pull-ups; these are all functional movements that will help you move better in life (such as hopping walls or lifting that desk for the girl you fancy the arse off). This is where you'll need a decent Strength & Conditioning Coach to teach you proper technique. You can supplement these exercises with bicep/tricep curls, core work and, most importantly, OTHER EXERCISE. Running is a pain in the hole, and not everyone enjoys sports, but picking some sort of cardio based workout, be it 5-aside, basketball, running, is essential for looking good. And for not being a boring c**t like this:


The Breakdown


A few points:

  • If you struggle to gain weight, you need to eat more and more often. Train with heavier weights when you can.
  • If you struggle to lose weight, it's going to be tough, but you'll have to eat cleaner, eat less and train more.
  • If you're happy enough with your size, maintain by eating more healthy foods than shite, train regularly and do some different exercise.


Tom Quinn
Article written by
"The best there ever was" 10/10- TIME Magazine; "Moved this critic to tears" 9.5/10 - Independent; "Will be sorely missed" - College Times; "The Mighty Quinn"- New York Times

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