Ah, Facebook. Probably the cornerstone to our identity for the majority of our adolescent and young adult life. I did the maths and it looks something like this: eight years on the book, 2,920 days, and 116 profile pictures. This works out to about a new picture once every 25 days (disclaimer: this might be completely incorrect). Honestly, this change much more frequent than I’m comfortable admitting to. Upon review though, I realised the changes took place mostly in my earlier years. I think we can all agree Facebook is about 568 percent less important to us now than it was two or four years ago, and thank Christ for that. But back then, the first thing anyone did when scoping out who you were was check your profile pictures. In this one tiny picture, we had to graciously and genuinely represent who we were. This was clearly no easy task. Let’s reflect on the steady evolution of that tiny window into our souls.
Debs Pic
What a classic. All that shiny satin and those ringlet curls just bring back memories of my boobs falling out mid bobby pin. What a disappointment. The most fun part was either getting dressed up or the after party, which, naturally, I didn’t make it to.
Sports Pic
This is pretty much the secondary school swag picture circa 2007. Like, look at me run and stuff! I was part of an organized team right when it was cool. The low-budget jerseys bring back stimulating memories of some awkward moments and remembering how flat chested I was. It’s okay, soon those uniforms will be throwback and all the hipsters will own one.
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Regrettable Pic
This one is a total wild card. It could be a photo of a very awkward haircut or a picture with some sort of statue in a suggestive position. Regardless, you were a teenager and whatever you thought was funny then isn’t funny now. You know what is funny though? Me wearing white patent platforms to the school disco. I still get a group text once a month getting shit from my friends about that one.
Holiday Pic/Beach Body
RIP, six-pack and thigh gap. This one is a classic for all of us trying to peacock for that hottie two years above us. “He definitely saw my new profile picture and, like, that’s why he almost made eye contact this morning.” What are the rules on bringing this photo back? I mean, it’s completely false advertising, but once someone finds out, he or she is already committed, yes?
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Illegally Under The Influence Festival Pic
This is self-explanatory. Somehow, you still looked halfway decent while sweating in a crowd wearing feathers and face paint. Good for you.
First Year College Group Shot
Finally! COLLEGE! It’s 110 percent likely that you stopped talking to everyone in this picture approximately two weeks after it was taken.
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20-Year-Old Shitfaced Pic
Hey, look. You’re holding a funnel, but don’t worry, you cropped most of it out for good measure. What a badass.
Making Fun Of A Friend Pic
People always have one of those pictures where their eyeballs are half-rolling back in their head and they are drooling, face planting, or stuffing their face Sunday morning. Whatever it is, it’s humiliating. If you’re not quick enough on the de-tag, you’ll pay for it. Mine involves a friend with a turkey leg in one hand and a hotdog in the other.
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Study Abroad Pic
Look, I’m cultured. And by that, I mean I blacked out in various European cities for a semester.
21st Birthday Pic
You look good, but you look hammered.
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Celebrity Pic
#Doppleganger #PeopleSayILookLikeHer #Morto
Day Drinking Pic
Look, I like to drink in the daytime and wear shorts, cons, and sunglasses. Oftentimes, this picture involves costumes, which is what really makes it interesting. Mine? A sombrero, someone in a tutu, and a shit load of Sensations sweet chili crisps on the table. No, I don’t remember.
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Family Pic
Finally, you start to realize that you might want to start displaying yourself in a slightly more mature manner. There is no better avenue for this than the good old family picture. It’s proof that people actually love you and raised you–it wasn’t that pack of wolves everyone thought.
Silly Pic
When a girl has one of these pictures, 99 percent of the time, it’s not even a little funny. You are just trying to show people you care about more than just your appearance. Which you don’t.
Classy Pic
You’re an adult. Look at how there aren’t any wrinkles in your clothes! Hurrah! Helloooo Linkedin...
Strewn amongst these is a smattering of normal pictures that not coincidentally become more and more facially-oriented over the years. Don’t worry, it’s not your fault. The mom or dad body creeps up slowly and steadily, and you often don’t even know it’s arrived until you notice the majority of your wardrobe consists of high waisted jeans and loose flowing shirts.
Via PostGradProblems
