Words by Rikky Britton.
What’s more fun than watching men and women wrestle in spandex I hear you ask? Why, drinking alcohol while watching men and women wrestle in spandex, of course. I have devised a set of rules that must be followed when watching a classic WWE PPV.
Firstly there are a few requirements you need going into the night. You must watch a PPV that aired roughly 10-15 years ago. This was when the WWE was at its peak of brilliance. You had people like The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Triple H, Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit (RIP), Eddie Guerrero (RIP), to name a few, who were wrestling on a regular basis.
This is not even mentioning the tag team division or women’s division which, unlike today, had people participating in it that could actually put on a great match and were given actual storylines.
This is to not say that there haven’t been any good PPVs in the last 10 years but from someone who has watched it then and now it is safe to say that the WWE 'Attitude Era' was the greatest time to be a wrestling fan.
Our pick of which PPV to choose would be WrestleMania X-Seven. It had some of the greatest matches ever seen and thanks to these rules you will be able to watch it again and again and it will seem fresh because chances are you won’t make it past the second hour.
Advertisement
Now that you have settled on a PPV there are you must settle on a venue. The venue must be spacious enough that when one person 'Rock Bottom’s' the other that nothing valuable is broken, (speaking from experience about this one)..
Also everyone participating must bring enough alcohol to last for a 3-4 hour event. No one likes the little bitch that brings only 3 cans and then “borrows” from people for the rest of the night. That’s the type of shit that will get your ass 'Stunnered'.
Now onto the rules. Here are some simple rules that are easy to follow:
- Ref bump – 2 sec
- Chair shot – 1 sec
- 2-count – 1 sec
- Foreign object – 1 sec
- Finisher – 1 sec
While those rules are pretty simple to follow here are a few special rules that must be adhered to as well:
- Anytime the crowd chants “Holy Shit” or “You Fucked Up” you must drink for the duration of these chants.
- You must make sure that you watch a PPV that has JR commentating because he has his own section. Anytime he says any of the following you must drink for 1 second:
- “My god”
- “Slobberknocker”
- “Straight to hell”
- “Son of a bitch”
- “Stone Cold” or “Austin”
- If a title changes hands you must finish the rest of your drink before the next match starts.
- If somebody cheats and wins then you must down the rest of your drink before the next match starts.
- Every time a wrestler uses their own catchphrase you must drink for 1 second.
*Dead Man Walking Rule: Anytime someone walks to the ring who has since passed away you must drink for the entirety of their entrance – No exceptions!
