Life 101

Don't Tell Me To Relax! 13 Things Guys Do To Deliberately Piss Off Their Girlfriends

There are a lot of things that guys do that piss women off. But that's just who we are, we don't do it on purpose...well, most of the time anyway. Most of our little quirks just happen to piss girls off. But every now and then we'll accidentally do something that drives you we keep doing it. Because sometimes, we just love to drive a girl demented with rage. So next time your boyfriend does one of these things, just know that he's doing it on purpose.

1) Stealing Expensive Shampoo

Every guy knows by now that that the little black bottle on the bottom shelf of the shower is off-limits. It costs more than your TV and is only for weddings and when the President visits. Guys know this. Which is why, for a laugh, they will occasionally take a big blob of it and use it like it's Tesco Value Body Wash to give their armpits a whiff of rich jasmine and lavender.


2) Lying About Pointless Shit

When a guy lies about where he was the other night, or whether he thinks that girl is hot, he's probably trying to not hurt you. He doesn't want to deal with that shit, so that's fair. But sometimes it becomes a gut instinct to lie about something that they have no reason to lie about. Like, "Do you like Ed Sheeran?" "Yeah, I love Ed Sheeran!" ...3 days later...."God, I hate that Ed Sheeran lad." "You said you loved him!!" "Ah, I was only messing with you." We literally do that just to see if you'll believe it.



3) Telling Girls To SHHH! Relax!

When a girl is properly pissed off and ranting at a guy, you don't tell her to relax. We know this, we know that telling her to Shhhh! is basically suicide. But we hate drama so much, we just want to make a big joke about it, even though, deep down, we know it's never going to end well. On an extreme level, some guys will put a finger to her lips to add to the effect. Which we know we're going to regret, but we do it anyway.


4) Ignoring The Universe Because Of A New Phone

A lot of guys love gadgets and can spend a ridiculous amount of time with their noses buried in their brand new iPhone, looking at all the cool apps that are available. Having said that, we know to stop when a girl is panicked about something or in a hurry. If we miss a question or two, that's natural. If we literally ignore your entire birthday, we're doing it on purpose.

5) Telling Her She's Pissed Off Because Of Her Period


When a guy doesn't get why a girl is pissed off, it's because she's on her period. Period. That's the mindset of guys. (It's not what guys actually think though. It's just our get out of jail free card because if we blame it on the periods, we know a girl is going to go hysterical, which just proves our our heads at least.)

6) Being Indecisive (But Not Really)

How many times have girls heard the phrase "I honestly don't mind, whatever you want"? This is a rare example where guys simply don't say what they mean. They do mind what movie they see/ what food they want, but they're too lazy to decide. So they want you, the girl, to decide for them.....provided it's the right choice. And now you know the truth.

7) Saying Her Mother/Sister/Cousin is Hot

It's very hard to go out with someone who has a sexy family. They see your hot sister nearly every second week or pictures of your hot cousins online. The first time they see they might say "oh she's hot". And as soon as you show that's not something you don't want to hear, they are going to tease you with it at every opportunity. We know it annoys you. We usually just don't realise how much, which is why arguments happen.

8) Telling Her To Get Into The Kitchen And Make A Sandwich


It's one of the few misogynist pleasures guys have left to cling to: laughing with their mates that they told her to "get in there and make me a sandwich, bitch!" It's the most direct, I-want-to-annoy-you thing that guys can do and we take full advantage of it whenever we feel girls are 'stepping out of line'. If you ever want to make a guy feel really uncomfortable though, don't get pissed off, like he wants you to. Just get really quiet and leave the room. He'll probably end up bringing you a sandwich.


9) Calling Her Hobbies 'Shit'

This is such a weird one because we know it pisses you off when we say your classes or favourite shows are shit. But we're so detached from them that we honestly can't comprehend how much it annoys you. We say it as casually as we'd say "Taylor Swift is crap" and we don't really take your feelings into account. We just like seeing you get really annoyed and trying to defend your Yoga class.

10) Just Playing With Her Boobs When You're Bored

Not in bed, obviously. We know girls sort of like that. But when it's the middle of the day, you're both out somewhere in an elevator or something, and a guy just starts playing around with your boobs because he's bored? Yeah, we know the reaction that's going to get. But you know what, it's a price we're willing to pay. It's part of the fun. Not all of the fun, but definitely part of the fun!



11) Being A Dick On Facebook

When a guy sees his girlfriend posting selfies on Facebook, or posting comments on her friends page, something awakens inside him. It's a voice that says......mess with her. Do it. Mess with her. This one is almost inexplicable, guys just feel a need to drive their girlfriends crazy on Facebook. Something along the lines of posting on selfies and saying "WOW!....I love your wallpaper!" Or bringing up that time you were really drunk for all to see.


12) Calling Her 'Adorable'

When she's pissed off about something, or taking charge, or being really assertive, there's nothing that can derail her train of thought faster than a guy looking down on her and saying "That's adorable." In this scenario, there are actually two reasons he says this. One is obvious, to piss you off. Two is because he genuinely thinks you're adorable. The wanker.


Harry Mason
Article written by
Imported from the back-arse of nowhere, Harry Mason writes about whatever the voices in his head tell him to write about. This often includes sex, drugs and video games... sometimes all three.

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