At the time of writing no national emergency has of yet been declared, but such is the gravity of the news I am about to impart that I feel it is only a matter of time before Michael D. flips the lid on the big red button labelled 'National Shitstorm Alert' and thwacks one of his endearingly small fists down upon it.
There has been a theft at The Cat Lounge, Ireland's first cat café, in Smithfield. No money was stolen, no material goods were pilfered, instead, something far more valuable was taken. Somebody stole a five and a half week old kitten.
This writer would like to think that he is beyond the point of stooping to clasp at the low-hanging fruit of a cheap 'cat-burglar' joke, but he isn't. In fact it is so apposite a phrase, that it immediately ceases to have any potential at even pandering for a cheap laugh. Somebody stole a kitten, named Lizzie, and they are a cat-burglar. According to my latest understanding of the words, from a quick Google of each of them, a cat is defined as:
1) Noun. A small domesticated carnivorous mammal with soft fur, a short snout, and retractile claws.
2) Noun. North American, informal. (Especially among jazz enthusiasts) a man.
And a burglar is defined as:
1) Noun. A person who commits burglary.
Ergo, it is simply the mot juste for this situation. However it is as yet unclear whether any jazz-loving men were similarly taken by this cat-burglar at the same time.
Lizzie the missing kitten is black and white in colour and the café are appealing for any information pertaining to its whereabouts to be passed onto either them or North Dublin Cat Rescue Ireland.
It was noticed that the kitten was missing after a staff member walked over to where the cages were kept and noticed that one of them had been left open and there were only two kittens in one instead of three.
The Gardaí were immediately contacted and CCTV is being examined. The kidnapping happened during peak hour. The café are imploring whoever stole the cat to return it anonymously and without fear of reprimand.