One of the hardest things about breaking up with someone is watching them move on. Knowing someone who was once your best friend is now not only a stranger but is now giving their attention to someone else can leave you feeling a deep sense of sadness. You may think this feeling will never pass but you must put this person in the past where they belong and remember what you have learned from this experience. If you're going through this, here are 10 things to do when your long term ex moves on.
1. Stop Comparing Yourself
The worst thing you can when your ex moves on is compare yourself to their new partner. They're your ex for a reason. Your relationship ended for certain reasons and you can't stress yourself out by wondering what their new significant other is like.
2. Avoid Cyber Stalking
Even though it's tempting to type their name into a search bar on Facebook to investigate who replaced you. But what good is it going to do? You'll find yourself thinking bitter thoughts about them, simply because you're overwhelmed with jealousy. Don't hunt them down on social media and torture yourself with these kind of questions.
3. Accept The Way You Feel
You're not a bad person for having negative thoughts about your ex or their new partner. It's normal to have feelings of anger, confusion, jealousy and rejection when you find out your ex has moved on. You need to allow yourself to feel sad for the duration and realise that this is just part of the healing process. Everything is temporary and these feelings will pass.
4. Keep In Mind That Breaking Up Means Moving On
Yes, you're allowed time to grieve but you can't wallow in your sadness forever. See your ex's method of moving on as a green light for you to do the same. They are content with their new relationship so the chances of them being upset over you doing the same are slim.
5. Ditch The Rose-Tinted Glasses
The hardest thing to let go of when you end a relationship is the memories you have made with that person. Remembering these memories can make it harder to accept things are over and can also elongate the grieving process. If you begin to remember the bad aspects of your relationship and the reason you ended things in the first place, it prolongs the healing process and helps you realise you can move on.
6. Think Of The Benefits Of Moving On
Everyone, at some point during a relationship, thinks they have met the love of their life. This is part of the reason they find it so hard to accept when things turn sour. As the saying goes ''everything happens for a reason'' and whether you want to believe it or not, it possess some truth. You could go your whole relationship under the illusion that this person is who you're meant to spend the rest of your life with but until you let yourself move on, you won't realise that there is someone out there who is meant for you.
7. Distract Yourself
One of the things you lose during a relationship is close relationships with friends. Now that's you're single, you have the chance to reconnect with everyone you left behind. Hanging out with friends is a therapeutic way of distracting yourself at the thought of them with their new partner.
8. Don't Contact Them
As much as you might miss them, talking to your ex especially after they've moved on is the worst decision you can make. It will make them feel awkward because they know you know about their new found love. The conversation will inevitably end in you discussing their new relationship, with sympathetic lines such as ''I hope we're still OK'' and ''I didn't want you to get hurt'', reverting you straight back to square one. Block, ban, delete and disconnect.
9. Take Them Off Their Pedestal
You need to stop thinking your ex was God's gift. They weren't perfect, not even close. Make a mental list of their annoying traits, let your friends talk shit about them, do whatever you have to do to realise they were't shit.
10. Focus On You
Think ''Am I living life like I should? Have I done the things I have wanted to do but couldn't because I was in a relationship?'' Now is the time to put things into perspective and start ticking things off the bucket list. It's time to dust yourself off and get on with life. Ramp up the social life, change your image but, in the words of Alexa Chung, ''My advice if you've just suffered heartbreak, is not to touch your hair. Go and kiss loads of people but don't touch your fucking hair, as you'll still feel sad and you'll have weird hair.''
Video: Seeing Your Ex With Someone Else