He thinks you're so sweet and nice but if he knew what you wish you could say to him while your uterus was being pierced with a rusty blade, he would see you in a whole new light.
1. "Could you fucking stop?"
I don't care what you're doing. I don't care if you're not doing anything. Fuck. Ing. Stop.
2. "You were supposed to buy the tampons with the prettily coloured wrappers!"
I can't even use these. Motherfucker.
3. "Why the fuck didn't you bring over chocolates?"
Were you raised in a fucking barn? Did you mother not teach you had to treat a lady? I need fucking chocolate! Yes, the kind with peanut butter!
4. "Wanna trade?"
Honey, can I try your body for a day...or for one week every month?
5. "You definitely wouldn't be able to handle this, pussy."
You're such a fucking whiner, you would not handle this as well as I do. I handle it gracefully, really.
6. "I'm really horny and it's the first day and all but you need to just put down a towel and get ready."
Not having period sex is not an option.
7. "Wait never mind, not horny, get away from me."
I changed my mind. Sorry to get you excited, but not that sorry.
8. "Don't touch me."
I do not want another life form within ten feet of me.
9. "Tell me I'm pretty cause I just feel fucking bloated."
Please tell me I'm pretty and make it believable. This should be like Oscar-worthy.
10. "I don't want to hear about your happiness."
I'm honestly so miserable right now and I just want to drag everybody down with me so you can kindly stop smiling about your wonderful day, thanks.
11. "I would give you almost anything if you rubbed my feet right now."
Here, I'll take my socks off and put my feet on your lap to get you started.
12. "Hope you don't want kids cause I'm about to have my uterus removed."
Yeah, no, this isn't worth it. One kid for what, like 40 years of periods? Who the fuck thought that was a fair deal?
13. "Ugh I'm having my boobs removed too. Say goodbye."
Does anyone else's boobs get this swollen? This is unreal, these have got to go.
14. "Can you eat more than me so I don't feel so fat?"
I'm gonna order two bacon cheeseburgers and fries, so I'll just get you three. You better finish them so I don't eat five. Cause you know I can.
15. "If you start a fight with me today, I will win."
Don't even try me.
16. "How gross would it be right now if I asked you to rub this stain out of my underwear? I have no shame at the moment."
It's always my favourite pair *pouty face*
17. "Don't ask me why I'm crying! I don't KNOW why I'm crying!"
What. Are. These. Emotions.
18. "I'm gonna bitch at your for the next hour but still love me, okay?"
What I say to you on my period, only counts while I'm on my period.
19. "Please don't judge me for how long I'm about to take in the bathroom."
Period shits are all too real.
20. "I hate everyone and you're included."
You think I'm kidding.
21. "If you think this is bad, just wait until I'm giving birth to some fucking thing."
You're gonna have to hold my hand the whole time and I'm not promising I won't break it.
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