Christmas is the designated festival of excess, you're encouraged to drink too much, eat too much , and spend too much. However some messages get a bit mixed up and some distinctly inedible objects somehow end up with delicious sounding monikers.
1. Yule Log
A yule log sounds like a festive variant of the Swiss roll. It is in fact a specially selected hunk of wood that people burn ceremonially at Christmas because despite all our airs and graces Christians are only one step removed from savage pagans.
This is a particularly inedible decoration because humans can't eat wood, at least not until it's been shredded and processed into McDonald's burger buns.
2. Baubles
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Baubles sound a bit like a type of smooth milk chocolate bonbon, the name itself evokes the idea of a delicious bag of chocolatey delight.
In reality if you bite into a bauble you'll cut your gums up real bad, shred your throat, and shit crystalline spikes of agony.
3. Fairy lights
Fairy cakes are a thing, so fairy is surely a word confined to the realm of the edible? Of course not, fairy lights are as inedible as most types of dog (Labradors are excluded from this; they are particularly succulent hounds, it must be all the loyalty in their hearts).
Eating fairy lights would be akin to eating spaghetti, if that spaghetti was made entirely of copper wire and little glass bulbs.
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4. Mistletoe
Mistletoe is how your creepy uncle hides his rapacious predations once a year. At first glance it looks edible, it has berries and everything. Unfortunately it is incredibly poisonous and you will die and leave a stain on the rug if you do eat it.
6. Selection Box
Selection boxes are not edible, their contents are. So you don't eat an entire selection box on christmas day, you eat its various contents. To be frank; it wasn't even your selection box to begin with, it was your nephew's, we both know that you're not sorry.
