Men, we're sizing you up. We're judging you. We're taking it all in, absorbing, processing. Men are regularly accused of basing everything purely on looks, which is a complete load of shit really. Women are just as - if not more - judgmental. I can safely hold my hands up and say that I am one seriously judgmental bitch, yet I dread to think that someone would do the same to me. Here are the very first things we notice in a man...
1) It's All In The Eyes
Look into my eyes. Look, look, look. A man with intense, beautiful eyes can draw you in and keep you there. I'm a sucker for fabulous eyes. Piercing blue, startling green or warm brown, the colour is irrelevant. Eyes are the windows to the soul, so if your eyes are fucking fantastic, I can only imagine how hot your soul is.
2) Your Height
I'm so sorry short guys, but height really, really does matter. Obviously, the details vary from woman to woman, but most (practically all) of us want our man to be taller than we are. Feeling smaller and more petite is just fantastic. Especially if you're a lanky lady. Oh giant, where art thou?
3) Your Style
Yes, everyone has different tastes and personal style, but if someone's basic sense of style is horrific - even if they look like Ryan Gosling meets Channing Tatum - your lady parts will quiver in rejection. This is a girl thing, through and through. Men are nowhere near this ridiculous. There's really nothing to do but tame that un-stylish voice in your head and hit up some basic, stylish staples. Trousers that are the correct length, clothes that actually fit, stylish shoes and no shitty slogan t-shirts. There you have it guys: a one-way ticket to sex. Done.
4) Your Accent
A person's accent can tell you a lot about them. Their education, their parents, their ambitions. Essentially, a shitload. Of course, this isn't always true but, in my experience, it's pretty consistent. Certain accents can rile someone up, turn someone on, make people bond. "You sound like you're from the same place as my second cousin." BONDING!
5) Your Dazzling Set Of Teeth (Or Lack Thereof)
Oral hygiene is of the utmost importance. The way to determine a person's morals and general feelings about cleanliness is through their teeth. Scummy, furry, smelly, food-harbouring chompers - brush your teeth you manky shitbag! Chewing gum?
6) Mind Your Manners
Good manners are imperative to pulling success. If you have the manners of an alley cat on crack and still manage to get someone, rest assured she's as ignorant as you. Have a rude ol' life together. Being polite and well-mannered can get you anywhere, not to mention rude people are the single greatest pet peeve of many. Unless you've dealt with people through working in the public service industry, you're unlikely to understand. Let's just say, I hate everyone.
7) Fabulous Facial Fuzz
The term 'designer stubble' is one that has and always will confuse me. Is shaping your facial fuzz really that arduous a task? I wouldn't have thought so, but what would I know. After all, us girls only spend six hours a week turning ourselves from kiwis into glass topped tables. Smooth as fuck. Some nicely maintained face fuzz is nothing but a Godsend. It can turn even the most 'meh' of men into someone vaguely rideable. Need some convincing? Check out Jamie Dornan with and without stubble. I rest my case.
8) Your Sense Of Confidence (Or Lack Thereof)
A man with confidence is alluring, interesting and assures you that he knows what he wants from life. Hopefully, that's you. However, there's a very thin line between confidence and overconfidence. Being content within yourself is a good thing. Being a cocky, arrogant, self-assured prick is another. Don't be that guy....
9) Your Sense Of Humour
Having a great sense of humour, to me, is the most important thing of all. Without that, you are nothing. Hot, maybe. Tall, yes. But not for me. An ability to laugh us into bed is just the best. Deep down, I secretly want to find a comedian and laugh the rest of my life away. I never said it was a realistic dream ok....
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