It Can Happen To Anyone... How To Deal With A D!ck That Just Won't Work

This situation sucks for both parties, but I would say it sucks worse for the guy with the flaccid Johnson. The limp dick can put on halt of the night's sexivities, but the situation may be salvaged. Just remember to keep cool, calm and don't freak out.

1. First and foremost do not laugh at the poor guy.

He can't help it. I'm sure that if it was his choice he would be enjoying all the sex right about now. Do not make jokes about Viagra, wilting beanstalks or sleeping snakes. He does not need to hear that right now. Plus, you sound like an insensitive bitch.

2. It takes two...

This is an uncomfortable situation for the pair of you, not just him and not just you. It's a mixture of awkwardness and complete mortification for both of you. Especially if it happens to be during a one night stand You don't know the guy, you don't know if it happens often to him.


3. Be careful with what you say...

Don't ask 'Is there anything I can do to help?' You're just going to be piling on the pressure onto an already stressful situation for him. Definitely don't say 'Is there something wrong?' or 'Are you OK?' Do you want to make him like he's not a real man?

4. Don't assume that you're the focus now...

Don't instantly suggest that he should just work on you for the night, he deserves some action too. Start off with some touching and feeling up and kissing - but avoid the southern regions. Not until it starts showing some life of its own. You don't want him to assume that you're trying to get him hard so you can get down to business. That will only make him feel guilty and his feelings of failure will strike down any erection that was on its way up.


5. Be careful with blame...

Don't blame yourself, clearly he was into you five seconds ago. It's not you. Don't blame him either, again he can't control it. Maybe blame alcohol? If you need something to blame that alluring confidence elixir has a pesky way of getting in the way of one night stands.

6. Continue wearing protection.

Don't suggest sex without a condom. I don't care if you think that the tight condom is making him limp or it hurts, you can always get bigger condoms. His dick isn't an anaconda. And do you know what will hurt more than a tight dick? Childbirth, crabs and/or me beating you with a steel bat of some kind. Plus it might not even help.


7. If he's nice about it...

Reassure him that he is still a man in your eyes, kiss him and hug him. Once he's all happy and into it again, this may be the time to suggest other activities...like him giving you a good time.

8. If he's a dick about it...

If he's pissed and blaming you, get the fuck out of there. You don't need his condescending attitude and insecure notions. Get dressed and find someone you won't blame you for his bodily malfunctions.

9. It happens to everyone...

Even girls. Guys might not realize this but sometimes a girl can't get wet and open up no matter how turned on she is. Of course, lube does help with that but then it can be painful. Letting him know that it's something that anyone can experience from time to time will ease his mind and not feel like such a failure, hopefully.

Ciara Donnelly
Article written by
Ciara is a Sex Columnist and purveyor of anything and everything inappropriate around the CollegeTimes office. After having spent her entire 4 years at college in Coppers she somehow managed to graduate with a surprisingly high GPA and a 2:1 in Psychology... Which, according to her, makes her the right person to give sex advice to others...
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