Diary Of A Hangover

The situation this morning is diabolical: you can't move and you can't see clearly, if at all.

As the memories come back you cringe over last nights events: there may have been drunken texting Gary, then calling him an asshole. You think there was a fight and are pretty sure Claire got sick on Alison's dress..

 

It all starts suddenly coming back- shots, more shots and a cheeky Abrakebabra. 

Glancing at the clock there is no more time to reminisce. Serious measures are to be taken if you're gonna get off all this waterproof mascara, into clothes and into college in under an hour.

9.19AM

You check your phone. Most likely let out a scream. A drunk texted ex.....again. More than once. A lot more than once. And, yes, OF COURSE they were very needy and embarrassing.

9.22 AM

After lying in bed staring at the ceiling contemplating going back to sleep you realize you actually must move. A lecture at ten, an important one…

FML….

First things First: GET WATER...

9.26 AM

You will likely want to just roll into clothes but you have to disguise the stench that is vodka and red bull and the entire smoking area in Coppers emanating from you.

Get in the shower.

Scrub, scrub, scrub.

 

EAT.

Anything will do, leftover Pizza is a winner.

Cold chips are all that's on offer today.

9.43 AM

Clothes -get dressed. Oh it's all too complicated. This happens for the next 10 minutes-

 9.52 AM

Mascara still not off..

Liberally apply moisturizer to your poor dehydrated skin.

 9.56 AM

Foundation, Bronzer, Mascara liberally applied.

Eyebrows to be fixed on the bus.

10.01AM

Officially late. It's clearly time to get moving. Walking to the bus stop ring a friend to fill you in on the night before. You will be shocked, embarrassed and ashamed all at the same time..

10.15AM

On the bus you start to think how lonely you are and how life is so terrible and why didn't the ex respond..

Woe is me.

10.17AM

The bus is way too bumpy.  For crying out loud those drivers should be more sympathetic.

10.27AM

Arrive at college Very late.

Slink into lecture hall as discreetly as possible.

Head in hands at your desk vow right here and now - YOU WILL NEVER DRINK AGAIN.

10.39 AM

It's too much.

Pretend to be getting socially acceptable coffee.  Sneak out and devour everything that is on the McDonalds meal deal menu with no shame or regret. You needed it.

11.07AM

Replenished from your meal look at your phone.

Friends might ask if you're out again tonight?

First You're like:

Then:

Then you hear 'the ex' is coming you're like…