When Friendly Becomes Flirty: How Not To Lead Him On

You're out at a college party or in a club and a guy comes over and starts chatting to you. Immediately you assume that he's chatting you up, or your friends do and they judge you for not opening with 'I have a boyfriend.' But hey, you don't want to assume that he 'like likes you' but if he does, you don't want to crush him on his night out. How to tread the murky waters of being friendly without being flirty? Keep to these guidelines and you'll be fine;

1) Don't Assume He's Into You

Someone is sure of herself... But of course, chances are that if a guy comes over to talk to you and offers you a drink and you're hitting it off really well, he probably is interested in you. Just don't confuse being flirty with being polite. He might just think you're cool.

2) Don't Flirt

Why would you? If you want to be single, then be single. Don't slap their arm playfully, don't laugh at everything they say unless they are telling a hilarious story, don't bat your eyes at them and definitely don't say anything that might hint at him seeing you naked or being romantic with you. Don't be skanky, you're just embarrassing yourself.

3) Don't Make Prolonged Eye Contact


Don't make those 'come hither' eyes to some hot guy across the room that you've noticed looking at you. The longer the stare the more people will read into it. Do you want him to come over? Yes? Then slap yourself, you're being skanky. No? Then look away and focus on your friends.

4) Casually Bring Your Boyfriend Up

You don't have to open the conversation with 'I have a boyfriend'. You spend time with your boyfriend, so a lot of your stories would involve him, right? If you try to tell a story without mentioning your boyfriend then you're lying and being evasive. If your boyfriend did the same with you, you know you'd be pissed.

5) Shut Down Flirting

OK, you know this guy is flirting with you, he is all doe-eyed and leaning in and keeps hinting at leaving with you. You're enjoying the attention, but that's all this is for you. Shut it down. You are being cruel, don't deny it, you know what you're doing.

6) Don't Blame The Booze


Drunk cheating is the same as sober cheating. If you do give into someone else's flirting and kiss him even though you don't want it to go any further, but you think he might, then you are knowingly leading him on. Plus you are cheating on your boyfriend with him. It wouldn't be surprising if he thought that you were going to break up with your boyfriend and be with him.

7) Include Your Friends

Bring your friends into the conversation, maybe your single girlfriend will hit it off with him. Then everyone wins!

8) Don't Tell Him Your Relationship Secrets

If you are having problems with your boyfriend, keep them your boyfriends business. Don't bitch about him to the guy who is interested in you. That's giving him false hope that you'll be a free agent soon. If you're not interested in him in that way, don't give him false hope!

9) If You're Out Together, Don't Let Him Pay


You're friends and unless you're going halves or doing rounds of drinks. don't accept it. It's nice of them and everything, but don't turn a get together with a friend into an awkward date, where only one of you is available.

10) Don't Dance With Them All Night

Maybe your boyfriend isn't the world's greatest dancer, or maybe he hates dancing and refuses to get onto the dancefloor with you, but that is no excuse to latch yourself onto the nice guy who likes you and start grinding up to him all night. By all means dance with him, just don't get down and dirty and mix up your dance partners. You'll just piss your boyfriend off and give the guy the wrong impression.

11) Don't Opt To Be Alone With Them

If he offers to walk you home, and you have an alternative walking buddy who isn't interested in you, don't go with him. If you or him are heading out for a smoke, don't leave it with just the two of you, bring a buddy to loosen the tension. Being alone with them will increase the likelihood of spilling your relationship secrets and accidental flirting. At the end of the night, if you're all back in a friend's house do not under any circumstances agree to sleep in the same place as him. That just invites the possibility of cuddling. Don't do it. Keep it friendly and leave the flirting, and the cuddling to your boyfriend.

Know what looks good on a C.V.? Published work! If you’re interested in joining the College Times team, please email us ([email protected]). We’d love to hear from you!

Orlaith Costello
Article written by
Orlaith is a Creative Writing graduate from NUI Galway. Hailing from the low lying fields of Athenry, or at least what’s left of the low lying fields. She enjoys the internet as a means of living vicariously through others from the safe confines of her own bed. She will initiate a dance off after at least two drinks on any given night out.
Facebook messenger