How Guys Handle: Break-Ups

People nowadays think guys are opening up more. But I don't see it. My friend cried in a damp, blood-stained concrete-smoking area of a small-town nightclub a couple of years ago over his ex once, but that was it. I mean, can anyone imagine that 'Guy's Guy' we all know, crying in the shower, sitting down? Balls deep in water? Drain clogged with her hair?

(Guy's Guy: "Probably all congealed with that new shampoo she bought for me. Smells like inside a pharmacy. She bought the most stupid shit...Oh Christ I miss her..." *reaches down...unclogs drain...doesn't throw hair ball away*)

No not really. So heres what you want to know: How us guys handle Break-Ups.

1. Alcohol

"She's finished with me, and I am now able to justify going on a fucking four day bender. And its going to start today, Tuesday. And that is it. And I don't care. Why isn't there a drink in my hand now?!"

Alcohol is clearly not the answer, but it will ALWAYS be used. People will always turn to chemical stimulation to numb what they think is an imbalance in their own emotion. You're better off putting down the glass and picking up some 'cop-on' (credit: my father every Sunday afternoon).



2. A New Hobby.

*Note to emotionally unstable Guy going through a particularly bad break up:

Getting thrown out of a squash club for smoking roll-ups whilst wearing sunglasses is not 'Handling' anything; nor taking up a hobby properly.

3. Talking To Someone.


This point won't be a universal one, as not many guys will actually do this. But in reality its the most important thing to do. If you know a guy who doesn't seem to be himself after a break-up, approach him about it in a non-judgemental way. He could open up to you and get all that stressful emotion off of his chest. At the very least, he knows someone cares.



4. Getting With Anything.


If its a woman, and she has less visible body hair than me and isn't dragging her knuckles on the ground when she walks, I am trying her. Alcohol again playing a part, but not always.

5. Not 'Handling'.

Basically, what most guys do. Swallowing all that resentment. Hurt. Neediness. Pain. Until it all comes out. In a wrong, unjustified, horrible way. We are dicks sometimes, because we can't process our emotion at all.

6. Throwing Ourselves Into Work.


Basically as a means of occupying ourselves. Filling up our minds, so theres no room for you.

7. Going On The Rebound.

An extension of 'Getting With Anything.'

Oh whats that? She has webbed toes and an actual beard that she trims?

You are not "Marrying her someday" like you say you are obviously.



Am I over-exaggerating a break-up's affect on anyone? Have all these words only just reflected my personal inner turmoil when faced with girl problems? Probably. So there you go. A guy's perspective from liddle ol' moi: I cried in a shower with wrinkly balls and consoled my emotionally-stunted friend in the most depressing nightclub smoking-area in existence. I guess what I'm saying is we don't cope any better than girls. We do care. We're just not showing you.


Video: How Guys Handle Breakups!


Credit: CharlesAlatorre


Stephen Brennan
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