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The Lazy College Girl's Guide To Dating

Being lazy and being single is a difficult place to be. Because it's like I wouldn't mind a nice date, but I'm also not going to get out of bed and put on pants to go and look for one you know? Is there an app that lets me order Chinese food and they send me a nice guy to hang out with for a little while too? But if I don't like him, I can just tell him to leave and eat my food in peace in front of the TV. (Ok that's a good entrepreneurial idea. Foodandfriendship.com: Coming Soon)

 

There are a couple of ways to find a date and still be the lazy, useless gal you were born to be, so don't fear. We'll find you a boy to lay and watch Netflix with you in no time! Here's the lazy college girl's guide to dating:

1. Let others do the legwork.

Your friends and family have been dreaming of the day when you’ll come to them and say, “feel free to set me up.” They will be praising the Lord that you actually want to get off the sofa. Just like that, you have your own personal dating network. They do all the legwork and you get to do whatever you want in the meantime. No hitting the club in uncomfortable dresses just to search for a man. It’s simple, it’s free and if it doesn’t work out, you get to blame everyone else. It's a win, win, win.

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2. Skip the group hunting parties.

 

Hunting Party - Definition: To work as a group to find guys for everyone. It's also just an absolute pain. You're lazy enough as it is - why would you want to help Clare (the girl who once kept eating slice after slice of your pizza on a night out) find a man? Try getting a bunch of girls together and keeping them focused. It’s easier to herd a bunch of deranged cats. Pick one friend and go out instead. It’s less work and less intimidating to lads. Plus, less women equals less competition. (Clare may take your pizza - but you won't let her take your man.)

3. Use Tinder.

 

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Finding a lad from the comfort of your own bed? IDEAL. Hookups are great if that’s all you’re looking for. Sometimes they even turn into real life dates. Tinder couldn’t be easier to use. It's the number one tool in the lazy girl's guide to dating. All you have to do is swipe based on looks. Even the laziest among us can handle that. Believe it or not, some have even found love using the app. I know, it sounds crazy, but hey, crazier things have happened. (Taylor Swift is cool now, anything could happen)

4. Reap the rewards of social media stalking from your couch.

 

Tinder isn't the only site that can help a lazy girl out. We all do it; a little click here, an unintentional "Like" there. You can learn so much from a lads Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook accounts. And you don't have to take off your leopard-print Slippers by Snooki to do it. Thanks to relationship status updates and photos that chronicle the friends and lives of our peers, it's easier than ever to set your sights on a guy and accidentally (on purpose) run into him.

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5. Skip any serious conversations.

 

It takes far too much effort to maintain a serious conversation during the first few dates. And also you hate serious conversations. (Most lazy girls are terrified of commitment. Like having a boyfriend means having to split time between your bedroom and their bedroom. I don't know if I could handle that, my bedroom and I have such a deep connection.) The idea is to have fun and learn a little about each other. You don’t need to share your life story and you don’t need to hear his. Your life story is so ridiculous so best keep that to yourself as long as you can.


6. Double date.

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It might seem like more trouble, but have you ever noticed how hard it is to come up with conversation topics on a first date? It’s too difficult to bother with. Some of my personal gems include "So what's your most traumatising memory," and "anyways how do you feel about abortion?" (I can't stand silence) The lazy girl solution is to bring another couple along. They’ll keep the conversation going and you just jump in when you want. It’s entertaining, and you’re not constantly being stared at as a lad waits for you to say something mind-blowing.

7. Be a cheap date.

 

I’m being literal here. It’s much more relaxing for both of you to go to a cheaper restaurant and do something free or cheap in the area. You don’t have to get super dressed up (always a good thing) and if he’s paying, you don’t feel like you owe him anything. The lad also loves it when you suggest something cheap. It shows how low maintenance you are. And also how you are saving all your money for nights out with your mates, just like he is. Soulmates?

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8. Look in familiar places.

 

There's nothing lazier than finding a relationship/person to eat takeaway with in places that you frequent. Scope out the people in your college course, your neighbours, and that cute bartender at your local pub. But, proceed with caution re: bartenders. They have a lot of drunk girls shouting compliments at them all night, they can be sly. But you can be sly too so... Again, soulmates?

9. Go for drinks.

 

Drinks make you funnier, and make him more interesting so what's the downfall here? Drinking is one of the only things in life that makes you want to put on a bra and leave the house. Going for drinks with a lad means you're going to have fun anyways, and you're actually making an effort in your romantic life. Well done!

You really don’t have to put in a ton of effort into dating. Treat it as a fun side hobby. Surprisingly enough, it makes dating less awkward and you might actually enjoy it. (Yes, as much as you enjoy eating in the shower.)

Áine O'Donnell