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Lingering Hugs & Facebook Stalks: How To Know Your Ex Wants You Back

First things first, don't backslide into a relationship that's over. You broke up for a reason, so you should probably stay apart. I'm not saying there won't be temptation, because there will be, especially if your ex keeps showing interest in you. If you notice these signs and realise your ex clearly wants you back, try to keep your distance. If it was really worth it, you wouldn't have broken up in the first place. It's OK to still care about your ex but, if you have no romantic feelings for them, it's better to let them know. You'll both be better off.

1) You Run Into Each Other All The Time

 

They "bump into you" on your way to lectures, when you know they have class on the other side of campus at that time. Or they show up at your part-time job (shop, café, restaurant) and mention that they didn't know you'd be working that day... even though it's the same shift you've been working for the past three months.

2) Hug-Lingering

 

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If you end up at the same party or club, you say 'hi' to be polite, but when they lean in for a hug, they hold it for a few seconds too long... and there may have been a few sniffs.

3) They're Nostalgic

 

They constantly remind you of all the good times you had together - trips you took and dates you had. Even the times when they made you dinner and everything was destroyed, but it turned into such a hilarious night as a result.

4) They Contact You Over Something Random

 

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"Hey, I saw this and thought of you" or "Hey, how are you? Thought you might like this." They send you some link over Facebook and then use that to segue into a conversation. They might even show up at your house with something they think you'll like, without messaging you beforehand. Stuff you might actually want or need, but you shouldn't accept. It's weird for them to buy you things after you've broken up. Presents are for couples and friends, not exes.

5) They Don't Want To Date Others

 

They keep mentioning that they have no interest in dating other people, a lot of the time when you are around. Almost like they want you to know about it, like they are keeping themselves available for you. They might genuinely want to give themselves time to get over you, but that's their business. They don't need to share it with you, you're not together anymore.

6) They Know What's Going On In Your Life

 

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They'll ask you about some assignment you complained about on Twitter, or a class trip from which pictures of you were tagged on Facebook. Stuff you didn't tell them about but that they know from checking up on your social media. If they were over you, they wouldn't need to check that stuff. I know we're all obsessed with stalking each other online, but we try not to be obvious about it. If they're not trying to hide it, they clearly want you to know they're interested.

7) Their Friends Tell You

 

You often get cornered at the bar by his/her friends on nights out. They tell you (s)he's heartbroken without you, that (s)he wants you back, that you should never have broken up and that you were perfect together. Basically acting as middle-men, speaking for your ex. Clearly they have been sent by your ex, or your ex's whining has compelled them to confront you.

8) They Always Try To Hang Out With You
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They invite themselves over to return stuff, without messaging you beforehand, so that your parents or housemate will let them in. On nights out, they hang around, offer you drinks or ask for a dance when your song comes on. They won't give you space, even after you make it clear that you want some.

9) Drunk Dial

 

Every night they're out and get plastered, they call you without fail. They try to ask what went wrong - everything was perfect and they're idiots for screwing it up. Or they might call to inform you that they've moved on and you're missing out. The fact that they're calling you just proves that they haven't moved on at all. It's sweet in a way that they still care but really, you have moved on, and all you want is for them to move on as well.

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10) They've Tried To Change

 

And they've tried to let you know they've changed. They start showing interest in things that you love, even though they never did when you were together. They try to change everything about themselves that you said caused your break-up, believing that, if they become the perfect person, you'll take them back. However, people are more complicated than that. You can't and shouldn't change who you are for another person. They should just accept you as you are. They just have to accept that you don't care for them like that anymore.

11) They Tell You

 

Of course, the number one way to tell if your ex wants you back is if they tell you point blank. This isn't an easy conversation. If you don't want to get back together, it's basically "The Break-up: Round Two". This whole situation sucks, but at least it's nice to know somebody likes you. Just don't lead them on. It's not fair to either of you. Don't you want to get out there and find someone new? If so, do it. Hopefully, your ex will find someone too.

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Orlaith Costello
Article written by
Orlaith is a Creative Writing graduate from NUI Galway. Hailing from the low lying fields of Athenry, or at least what’s left of the low lying fields. She enjoys the internet as a means of living vicariously through others from the safe confines of her own bed. She will initiate a dance off after at least two drinks on any given night out.
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