Are you a hipster? Do you want your baby to be a hipster? Do you dream of a life filled with babies in overalls and beanies smoking hand-rolleds and pooing in organic diapers?
Well, Fit Pregnancy has come out with the list of hispter baby names that are guaranteed to make your kid stand out as the ultimate douchebag.
Boys:
Auden
Do you mean Aiden? The question your son will get for the rest of his life.
Byron
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He’s the highest ranked douche you know.
Enoch
You mean echo? Because that’s cooler.
Gulliver
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If he’s short, you may as well just kill him now.
Ignatius
What are his friends going to call him? Igna? Think about it…
Lennon
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Yep, your son should definitely try and live up to that one…
Murray
It’s like vintage, right?
Nico
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Like De Niro? But edgier…
Orson
More like organ boy, Orpheus and orgy lover.
Roman
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Maybe he could pull it off if he looks European… and plays soccer.
Salinger
Why don’t you just name him Holden? Or Caulfield? That’s even edgier.
Zane
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Like that One Direction girl? That’s original.
Girls:
Briseida
Her destiny will be prostitution in a coal-mining country where everyone has a lisp.
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Farrah
She did have a pretty good sex tape…
Inez
Once again: Vintage, right?
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Liora
You can’t just put vowels wherever you goddamn please. It’s not right.
Minnie
It’s not original. Minnie Mouse and Minnie Driver both had it first.
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Odette
By her 16th birthday, you can bet she’ll be OD-ing on something…
Pandora
You can name your son Spotify. No, Shazam!
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Romy
To match my hipster brother, Roman. Except I’m a girl, so I’m romier.
Suzette
Suzanne is so 2011…
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Tessie
Dog names always make a comeback.
Wren
This will be her whole life: “Not when! Wren!”
Zola
Only because Lola is now the name of one too many strippers.
