Not Official Yet: How To Celebrate Valentine's Day When It's Complicated

You're not technically single, but you're not taken either. So how do you go about the most romantic /cheesiest/ most annoying/ most Hallmarky holiday of them all? You've been seeing someone for a while, but have never actually sat down to define the relationship. Valentine's is not a welcome day in this scenario, it has a way of turning your casual situation into a big complicated mess...but all is not lost. Here's how to deal with Valentine's when your situation is complicated:

1) Talk About It

Not about your relationship, about Valentine's. There's a lot of pressure on people that are in relationships to have something planned, there's even more for people in almost relationships. There's always a fear that if they do something anyway special then it will seem like they want a full-blown relationship, or it could scare off their casual almost-girl/boyfriend. If they do nothing, it appears that they want nothing to do with their nearly-partner at all. So talk about it. You both know it's coming up, you might as well bring it up in a casual manner and ask if they want to do anything and let them know if you want to do something. It's okay if neither of you wants to do anything. But make sure you're on the same page to avoid mixed messages and feelings.

2) Lower Your Expectations

You haven't agreed to be in a relationship with each other, so don't expect them to pull out all the stops come February 14th. They might ask you to be their Valentine and you might get a box of chocolates. If they do something, or if you do something, as long as you keep it light and not too serious then everything should stay cool. Don't expect a giant teddy bear or a declaration of love and try not to be upset if you don't get anything. They don't have to do anything if they don't want to.


3) Make Plans Without Them

If you want to do something but your kind-of-partner isn't interested, do something anyway. Head out with your friends, not all of them are going to have coupley plans on V-Day. If you're not exclusive, go on a date with someone who wants to hang out with you that night. If Valentine's isn't your thing and you want to stay in, do it. Just because you're seeing someone, you shouldn't feel obligated to see them on Valentine's.

4) Invited To A Party? Invite Them

Why not? It doesn't have to be a 'date' or a declaration of your relationship status. It's just a fun night, out with friends. It might even be a party for single people on Valentine's. Having a low-key group night out brings a whole lot less pressure to this heart shaped day of stress.

5) How Did It Go?

If you both got through this 'holiday' without forcing yourselves into a relationship you weren't ready for and didn't break off your casual arrangement, then good for you. Maybe all this romance will make you re-evaluate the situation and get more serious with one other. Or maybe things will go back to the way they were. Or maybe they'll have acted like a complete tool over the 'holiday' proving that they have the emotional range of a teaspoon and you'll break it off with them. If they can't handle this Hallmark holiday without freaking out, is that really what you want? If so cool! If not, say goodbye....

Orlaith Costello
Article written by
Orlaith is a Creative Writing graduate from NUI Galway. Hailing from the low lying fields of Athenry, or at least what’s left of the low lying fields. She enjoys the internet as a means of living vicariously through others from the safe confines of her own bed. She will initiate a dance off after at least two drinks on any given night out.
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