Tis' the season to be brutally savaged by your angry, bloated, extremely dehydrated girlfriend, should you irresponsibly say the wrong thing at any time over the Christmas break. Choose your words carefully because should you mess about, you will suffer the consequences. Here's what not to say to your girlfriend this Christmas. (Good luck.)
1) "Are you sure you should have that mince pie?"
2) "Sparkles really don't suit you. You remind me of my tree."
3) "I thought we weren't doing presents?"
4) "I don't do New Years, you're on your own."
5) "Can I snow on you?"
6) "Why are you so orange? It's December."
7) "You look rough enough. How hungover are you?"
8) "It's a lads 12 pubs night. You aren't a lad..."
9) "I thought you were going 'vegan'? Turkey is not vegan."
10) "What's our Christmas present budget? Twenty?"
11) "Do you want to build a snowman? With my dick?"
12) "Get your cold feet away from me."
13) "You're having another girls night out? Are you actually a lesbian?"
14) "Do I want to spend time with your family? No. Clearly not."
15) "What about your 'Paleo' lifestyle?"
16) "I bought you a gym membership. January is coming after all."
17) "Was this present intended for your ex?"
Know what looks good on a C.V.? Published work! If you’re interested in joining the College Times team, please email us ([email protected]). We’d love to hear from you!