How To Not Be Such A Whiny Little Bitch

No one likes a whiner. Most of the time they're only speaking because they want the attention and it becomes apparent they're not actually that bothered about solving the problem when they pretty much ignore any suggestion that might remove their complaint. For all you pathological complainers out there, you need to get a grip on the following areas if you're ever gonna stop being such a whiny little bitch...

Minor ordering mistakes.

So you ordered a burger without gherkins, but low and behold, they put gherkins in there anyway! Cool story bro, maybe save it for the Grandkids.

Facebook updates.

You complain about that Facebook friend who uploads photos of themselves constantly and yet you could easily remove them from your newsfeed, thereby completely eliminating your complaint. Huh, it's almost as if you want to complain about them.

Written errors in texts and on Facebook.

A social network is a democratic forum, it has no place for fascists of the grammar variety such as yourself. Delete your profile if it "literally" drives you mental.


Saying you're bored does not alleviate your boredom. Know what does? Doing something that isn't boring (apart from your favourite pastime which is obviously complaining loudly).

Being fancied too much by someone.

Seriously, you're really complaining about this?


Oh my God, just go to the fucking shop, you outrageous tit.


You're draped on the couch in a melodramatic agonised pose, while you go on about your hangover as if it's still a shock to you. This happened the last time you got drunk, remember? Is there ever going to be a point where you just accept that hangovers are a thing?

Slow Wifi.

Granted, this can be a genuine complaint when you really need to use the internet quite urgently. Not so much when you're trying to tap into a café's free wifi so you can watch the latest Thug Life compilation.

Not feeling well.

So, you're feeling under the weather and you think the world has a right to know. Have you tried manning the fuck up? Does wonders for me.

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Joey Flanagan
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His friends call him Joe, you can call him Mr. Flanagan. A keen taxidermist and prolific writer of erotic Fair City fan-fiction, Joey's accomplishments include completing the Camino de Santiago, getting Ray D'Arcy's autograph over 200 times, and knocking a pig unconscious with one square punch to its jaw.
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