Ah, the naïve innocent belief at the start of a relationship that the person you're with is a sane, chilled, carefree human being. Not to sound cynical or anything but that soon comes crashing waay down. Maybe not by date 20, but things will be significantly different. You've gotten more used to each other after all and have settled into a bit of a routine. Plus you can't stand each other. I'm kidding! Well, kinda. Here's what your first date vs. your 20th looks like.
1. Prepping For The Date
First Date: Wax booked, nails booked, hairdresser booked. Time to tan and slip into the new Victoria Secret bra and pants that you got on sale. I. Look. Smokin'.
20th Date: 6PM: Is there time for a nap? But I have to wash my hair. Fuck it, I'll have a power nap now and the dry shampoo the fuck outta it. He knows how hot I am when I make an effort anyway like.
2. On The Way To The Date
First Date: Group chatting "The Girlos" you say, "Ohhh Christ lads I'm shitting it! Think I'll be getting the ride tonight??" whilst touching up your make up on the bus for the zillionth time. Your eyelids keep closing involuntarily with the 3 tonnes of mascara on them.
20th Date: *Swiping through Tinder on the bus*
JK, JK. I don't want Tinder. Sure why would I, I have found a gorgeous guy, a really great person...totally don't miss that addictive app full of hot guys. No way.
3. When You Meet Them
First Date: You smile your most alluring smile and try focus on not tripping up in your new shoes that were designed by people who want to kill you. But shit, he is veerrry hot.
20th Date: You smile but then remember that you're pissed off at them for some reason that you've forgotten at his very moment but you WILL remember it, damn it. Shit, he's still quite hot though.
4. At The Bar
First Date: "Oh I'll just have a beer...pint of whatever." Because you're so laid back and cool? You want a fancy cocktail you dumb bitch so stop pretending to be a chilled Heineken drinker.
20th Date: You order what you actually want. And enjoy it.
5. Quick Loo Break
First Date: Blitz "The Girlos" Facebook chat with all the juicy details.
20th Date: Checking emails and Twitter and continue to do so while you walk back to him at the bar. A petty argument ensues and then you guys just order another drink and forget about it. Oh, the romance.
6. A Few Drinks In
First Date: He's lookin' even prettier. You can feel the chemistry and his leg is totally not brushing off yours by accident.
20th Date: You guys have moved to more secluded booth in the bar and are shifting like crazy.
7. On The Way Back To His
First Date: You're kissing in the back of the taxi and his hands are roaming all over the place...
20th Date: You're arguing about who sings whatever song is playing on the radio and only take breaks to make out and grope each other.
8. When You Get There
First Date: You've got the whole seduction thing going on, glass of cheap Tesco wine in hand. And you're pretending to actually give a shit when he rambles on about his "band".
20th Date: You raid his fridge and are stuffing your face with leftover pizza wh0ne he comes back from the loo. He joins you.
9. Sexy Time
First Date: You attempt a drunken sexy striptease and do stuff like actually kissing his chest. The sex is a little awkward. You don't orgasm but you snuggle afterwards and that's actually not too bad. He even kisses your forehead.
20th Date: You know how to please each other well enough now that you both do your thing, orgasm and then fall sound asleep. Ahh.
10. The Next Morning
First Date: He makes you a full fry up for breakfast and brings it to you in deb. Later he kisses you at his front door where he asks to see you again. You head home on cloud nine.
20th Date: You clatter around making loud noises to wake the stupid prick but he's still out cold. You end up jumping on him "accidentally" and when he grunts you say "I'm starviiing" to which he replies, "well you know where the kitchen is."