Women and men have very different fighting tactics. This is a simple fact that is unlikely to change any time soon. Men, when mad at their girlfriends, will tell them exactly why they're mad, what it is they've done wrong and then swiftly change the subject. Women aren't quite so straightforward, unfortunately. No, you see, when a woman is mad, she will never tell you why. Instead, she'll give you the silent treatment and create masses of awkward unbreakable tension. This will cause you to rack your brain for possible reasons why she might be mad at you now. Here's why she's giving you the cold shoulder this time...
1) You Forgot An Important Date
This could be anything from her birthday (you idiot) to your anniversary (you man-idiot) to your monthiversary (get out while you still can). While some men are amazing at remembering dates, most are utterly and completely useless. Instead of doing the sensible, logical thing here, most women will just resort to ignoring you, or replying to everything with a curt 'ok' until you get the message. Better luck next time.
2) You Put The Boys First (As Usual, Apparently)
One of the key aspects of making a relationship work is maintaining good friendships. Your friends will always be there for you and, if nothing else, they'll be a distraction and a release from your relationship trials and tribulations. The worst thing you or indeed anyone could ever do, while in a relationship, is cut out their friends. If she wants you to do this, consider her a crazy-cat-lady-in-waiting, no questions asked. That said, if you put 90% of your time and effort into your friendships, you can understand why she gets pissed off with you. Or she'll just ignore you and grunt whenever you mention your friends.
3) You Won't Acknowledge Her On Facebook
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Yes, I'm aware that men and women have different priorities when it comes to this kind of stuff. Men are more private (for the most part), whereas women want to splash their love and all signs of a fabulous life all over the internet. It's the perfect opportunity to induce jealousy in the eyes of others. So, while keeping your love life and social media life separate might be the most obvious decision in the world for you, to her it might seem like you're ashamed and want to hide her away. Of course, she won't say this to you because it all seems petty and stupid when said aloud.
4) You Won't Commit To Definite Plans
I'm not talking about marriage or a mortgage here, more like a weekend away in a few months or a big night out in two weeks. To her, indeed to all women, this means you don't think about your future together. If you don't treat this seriously, you're likely to suffer some very cold shoulder for your actions. Dramatic? Yes. Necessary? Most definitely.
5) You've Admitted You Don't Like Her Friends
I'm going to go ahead and presume you were either off your head or said it in your sleep, because what other excuse could there be for such complete and utter stupidity? You must never admit you dislike her friends, because it can only end in disaster. In this case, the disaster could be your penis at the end of her foot (Editor's note: As in, a kick to the groin, not penis toes). Followed by silence.
6) You Won't Make Decisions
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Men are so fucking indecisive around women, it's infuriating. Never among themselves though, oh no. When asked by the boys which pub they want to go to, they answer faster than Kim Kardashian gets divorced. When asked by girls where they want to eat, the battle begins... 'Oh no, it's up to you. I really don't mind'... JUST GROW A PAIR AND CHOOSE.
7) You Didn't Tell Her She Looks Good
As a woman, there's nothing worse than spending ages trying to make ourselves look acceptable, without the reward of a compliment when we do. Do you really think we enjoy painting our face, sticking fiddly little pieces of shit to our eyelashes and dying ourselves a wonderful shade of stale coffee? We do not. We'd much rather put on clean jeans and down a pint but, just to feel better about ourselves, we do it anyway. Which makes the fact that you've ignored all our effort and not even made a single comment even more frustrating. Let the icing out commence.
8) You Were Selfish During Sex (Again)
We all need to have selfish sex from time to time, otherwise we'd go a little crazy. That said, if you're constantly getting your own jollies and leaving your partner high and dry (literally), you can't really be surprised when she gets pissed off with you. You've more than earned it, to be fair. Make some rapid changes, rapidly.
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9) You've Admitted Your Mother Doesn't Like Her
Dear God man, are you looking for a swipe to the balls? Even if your mother doesn't actually like her, which happens a lot in fairness, you must never, ever admit it. If she confronts you and asks you directly whether your mother hates her (we're not stupid, we can sense it), there's only one thing you can do - lie. Lie through your teeth, because otherwise, you'll never hear the end of it.
10) You've Told Your Friends About Your Sex Life
This is fine when you're single and playing the field. If you're in a relationship and you're blabbing to your mates about the fantastic doggy style finish you had last night, that's not cool. She probably knows your friends, so think about how embarrassing that could be for her. They may have sworn they'd keep it quiet, but boys will be twats and someone's bound to let it slip. I reckon you can kiss peace and sex goodbye for the foreseeable future.
11) You Haven't Brought Her On A Proper Date In Months
It's easy to let things slip when you've been with someone for a while. When once you wined and dined her to high heavens and pulled out all the stops to impress her, this has now given way to takeaways and hungover days. If she feels as though you're not making an effort, she probably won't respond maturely, mainly because she's a girl. Instead, she'll stop being so eager, she'll stop texting back and, above all, she'll stop making an effort herself. Surprise her out of her sulk and bring her out to dinner once in a while. You can thank me later....
