Every group has an Agony Aunt.
She (or he) is the dispenser of wisdom, the shoulder to cry on, and the one who gives all their time to others – and asks for nothing in return.
Bloody hero. Here are a few signs that it's you...
1. You spend most of your time at parties tucked away having DMCs
It wouldn't actually be so bad if only people came over and topped up your glass every now and then – but part of being Agony Aunt is that you'll be cornered by a pal who's enduring a bit of drama, and not released until the situation has been talked to death.
2. You know all your friends’ 'types'
You've amassed an encyclopaedic level of knowledge about every last one of your gal pals – what type they go for, what type they're compatible with, what incompatible type they still go for despite all your advice to the contrary.
3. And which ones should never drink gin
If they're going to go against your advice, tears are inevitable anyway – they don't need help from gin.
4. Everyone asks you where to go on dates
Despite the fact you haven't been on a date yourself since you went to see Avatar in the cinema in 2009.
5. Nobody ever asks you how YOU are
"Oh yeah, it's grand, we'll just talk about you for another hour. Don't mind me."
6. Your friends always private message you in parallel with the Whatsapp Group chat
When the chat is fully active, your phone is more on fire than a Samsung Galaxy Note 7 (sorry, couldn't resist) – as each one of the gals asks you for your individual take on the day's drama.
And because you're you, you oblige – never taking anyone's side, but still letting each individual believe that they're your nearest and dearest. Even if it is a bit of a dose sometimes...
7. Your camera roll is just reams of screengrabs sent to you for analysis
Most people's camera rolls consist of selfies, photos of really cute dogs they saw on the street and ridiculously overcooked Instagram shots. But you're not 'most people'.
Instead, your phone is stacked with
8. You ghostwrite all your mates’ tweets and texts
Because heaven forbid they should text the object of their affection without 892 rounds of edits.
9. You’re either in a stable relationship or a chronic mess – there’s no in between
Agony Aunts are either in a 10-year relationship with the first guy they ever shifted, or they've never been able to get beyond the first date. There's no half measures here, because that would involve dating and drama... and you ain't got no room for that.
10. You feel like you could write a book on relationships at this point
In fact, maybe you should. After all, you could probably finish it in a single sitting – and it's probably the easiest route to getting the TV show you so richly deserve.
11. And finally, you’re not afraid to dispense some home truths or tough love
Anyone can dish out the platitudes that their mates want to hear, and leave them with an unsustainable sense of happiness, until reality comes crashing down upon them – but being an Agony Aunt is about so much more than making people feel warm and fuzzy for a few minutes.
Being an Agony Aunt means sometimes telling the truth when it hurts the most, and that's what makes you so special: your wisdom, warmth, emotional intelligence and your immense sense of kindness means that there's no better person to deliver life's bitter pills.
Where would they be without you?